So I couldn’t believe it when she said she’d never seen Love Actually, which is my one girly holiday indulgence. Oh man, that’s not true. Some sparkles MIGHT happen. And shoes. Anyways, I’ve realized there’s quite a bit to learn from this movie’s workplace storyline as we get into office party season. Without further ado, here’s my guide to doing your office holiday party right:
Let’s set the mood first. Hit play and continue reading:
1. Don’t wear devil horns.
Apparently, this point isn’t obvious. This isn’t Halloween, you slooze. I understand that you’re trying to get after your boss (well not understand, but yea), but do you want his wife to spot you from a mile away? Why am I even elaborating on this? Do not wear devil horns, you crazy bitch.
2. For the Love of God, go home with Karl.
Stop being such a chicken. If you have evidence that someone that hot is into you, you do not f*ck it up. Or rather, do. I mean, look at him:
YOU ARE KILLING ME, LAURA LINNEY. Stop calling your brother “baby” and get back to business.
Shhhhhh. No. No, Karl. Don’t speak.
3. Try not to have your office party at a nude photography exhibit
Probably for the best.
4. Even if it’s 2002, don’t wear this
It hurts, Laura Linney. You’re hurting me.
5. If you get surprised by a harlot in devil horns, DO NOT ENGAGE
That’s not gonna end well for you, Snape.
6. If you see your sig O dancing with the devil, be like Emma Thompson
That is, have all the class in the known universe. And all the champagne. Bottoms up. You’ve earned it.
7. You can dance if you want to
But don’t leave your non-coworker friends behind. Look, they’ll have to fend for themselves with crazy arm flailers on the dance floor:
8. Try not to stare at anyone’s butt
Unless it’s Karl, obviously. Then you need to make your intentions VERY CLEAR because that dress isn’t helping.
9. Get a little bit too drunk
It’s ok. I don’t need Love Actually to tell me this. Get drunk enough for this to happen:
10. Find Colin Firth, if at all possible.
Again, just a general rule. When in doubt, Firth it out.
In celebration, and for further guidance, here is the office scene in its entirety:
Happy office drinking, everyone! Now tell me your office party stories.
