A bunch of stuff happened in the past few days in the Outlander world, so Beth and I Break it Down Vanity Fair Style, the only way we know how.
Bekah: Beth we have something HUGE to discuss. Outlander Promo has been in full-force (obviously .. it’s like what? 10 months away till premiere date?)
Beth:: FINALLY. I mean … what?
Bekah: and it really ramped up this week with something released that totally got the Outlander fans (um us) into a Tizzy
Beth: Did they take my original suggestion and start airing “Sam Heughan mostly naked comign 2014” ads on Starz?
Bekah: Sadly no. But here’s hoping they’re still listening b/c that’s the best idea you’ve ever had
JAMMF hits the Beauty Parlor with Mammaw and Aunt Doris
Bekah: Of course I’m talking about the photo after JAMMF came home form the hair salon with a new permanent just like my Aunt Doris:
Beth: Home from the hair salon? The beauty parlor you mean. He went there with my mammaw and my aunt mildred.
Bekah: yep. had sweet tea with them and Aunt Doris. BETH WHAT IS THIS? ARE WE ALONE IN FEELING THIS THIS ISNT HOT?
Beth: I seriously doubt that Sam thinks this is him at his hottest.
Bekah: I like to think he probably regrets this photo opp. You know the man loves his selfies. And as someone who has mastered the selfie, it takes anywhere from 14-24 tries before you get the perfect pic.
Beth: He KNOWS how to give good selfie- He also knows ridiculous ceramic animal holding Virigin Mary posing iphone photos when he sees them as well
Bekah: This was try #1. they had no time for more because…. the hedgehogs started biting … or the pine needles from last year’s christmas tree started digging into his shoulders from the tree skirt he’s wearing
Beth: That is most definitely a tree skirt. WHAT IF it isn’t though and it’s like THE Fraser tartan … you know the one … and we expected to swoon?
Bekah: UGH. If by swoon you mean remind me that I need to get my tree skirt dry-cleaned b/c it SMELLS – then it’s working. Because that’s what it makes me think.
Beth: It reminds me that I need to style my family christmas photo this year. Won’t be hard to top this
Bekah: hahaha. But do you have a family of hedgehogs … one for each of you?
Beth: That’s exactly what we need to do- Find someone’s garden gnomes and bunnies and sit them in our laps for our holiday card
Beth: If Jamie comes out wearing something like this for his wedding day I will burn that little church to the ground.
Bekah: No one would take the virginity of a man wearing a tree skirt.
We ask Important Question #1
Bekah: So we have to ask the important questions about this photo. The first being…. what ARE the hedge hogs for?
Beth: I’m assuming since the only reference to hedgehogs in the book is when Claire mentions them copulating, that after the wedding night scene, these critters will be in the bridal suite and they will pan over to them in the privy closet corner going at it.
Bekah: yep. cue epic giggles or 2nd-hand embarrassment…. (ya know.. being embarrassed about something you didn’t actually do but embarrasses you nonetheless)
We know where you can get a Cyber Monday Special on a Chi
Bekah: This leads me to our second important question of the night….. DOES JAMMF get a perm? what are we seeing here?
Beth: I did NOT realize that Sam’s hair was this curly. Is this just his natural stuff or are they styling JAMMF’s hair this way?
Bekah: I’m all for artistic interpretation– I’m not the one saying Claire needs to have a “fat ass” (PS she doesn’t!) and will freak if her eyes aren’t the perfect shade of “whiskey” but are we really going to see curly JAMMF?
Beth: WHERE is the straight iron on this set?
Bekah: yeah- I know a bunch of stores had the CHI straight iron on a big sale for Black Friday– maybe we should tweet the production team a few links cyber monday special – get those JAMMF curly locks under control
Beth: Agreed. It’s … not what I was thinking. I think I still have a Twilight one with Rosalie on it … STILL IN THE BOX. I will mail it to them.
Bekah: NO !!! send to me! That was an awesome straightener!
Beth: Ok. I don’t need it. #shorthair #dontcare
Beth: Real quick we should mention that at the very least … he DOES look virginal here- So kudos on your innocent face, Sam.
Bekah: Yeah, just lose the tree skirt lest you keep that virginity for eternity. (I mean..I think he’ll have no problems once Claire looks under that tree skirt if you know what I’m saying.)
Beth: I’d look under the tree skirt
Not that kind of Hair
Bekah: Okay so this photo wasn’t the ONLY promotion Starz did this week (to be fair- this was a tweet from Terry the costume designer and we assume a joke and has nothing to do with any sort of tree-skirt-wearing-hedge-hog-permed-hair scene that they wrote into the script) BUT…. the curly hair appears again…. in the following video entitled: The Curly hair strikes again
Beth: NOT the curly hair that the crazy Outlander fans are thinking right now.
Bekah: SADLY
Beth: Because those ladies LOVE a discussion about body hair.
Bekah: Wait.. NOT Sadly. I actually thought you meant Claire’s curly hair- Because my mind doesn’t immediately go to pubic hair.
Beth: I don’t immediately go to pubes either.
Bekah: but NO… that was not the curly hair shown this week:
Beth: But Yes, I thought the curly hair was a fluke UNTIL I saw it in all its red-hewed glory in the video
Bekah: but of course.. Starz relesaed this video… the internet exploded.. and it left me wondering: WHO IS THIS OTHER GUY IN THE VIDEO? THIS GAELIC EXPERT and why don’t we know more? I Mean.. he IS responsible for making sure Sam’s Jamie Fraser is.. well, just like Jamie Fraser.
Beth: Obviously, he’s a close pal of Sam’s because he let him borrow his button down shirt.
Bekah: Is he on Twitter? Do we know his status? A/S/L?
Beth: Where did he get those sweet ‘burns. And Are we allowed to think his accent is sexy?
Bekah: with our eyes closed and memories washed of those sideburns – yes
Beth: The video says he’s the Gaelic expert, so I guess he’s the one tutoring all of them on set? or is he an actor PRETENDING to be the Gaelic teacher? HARD HITTING QUESTIONS.
Bekah: Ohhhhhh- we really try to get to the bottom of the mysteries here on TN.. Call us the 60 minutes of The Outlander World. The 20/20 if you will.. the….. .
Beth: the Geraldo. We do it for you … because we really don’t care. We’re The Hoda and Kathie Lee. We drink Wine and ask if they use flat irons.
Bekah: Wait you have wine? How is it 4 days after a holiday and you still have wine? My wine is long gone….
Is that a Smoking Jacket OVER a neon green hoodie?
Bekah: Can we talk about Sam’s outfit Real quick? We know the gaelic teacher is wearing Sam’s shirt, but did they switch outfits? Is Sam rocking a blazer OVER that neon sweatshirt?
Beth: I have never seen a hoodie like that in the US. I think they are UK specific. WHY are the pull strings so THICK?
Bekah: do they have extra large hands in the UK? (you know what that means…) (large gloves)
Beth: Was he just doing green screen work? because that’s the color of that thing.
Bekah: GOOD question….
Beth: I’m just really concerned about the hoodie string
Bekah: Maybe you can put headphones through it? Sam spends all day listening to “How to Speak Gaelic” on his iPod? Maybe a straw fits through it & he has a small keg taped to his back?
Beth: can you tape up an injured knee with them? And is he wearing a smoking jacket too?
Bekah: exactly…. over the hoodie?
Beth: yes. what?
Beth:Let’s talk about his cute expression though. I’m partial to the little headshake more than the “sassenach” smolder.
Bekah: I kinda like when he pushes epic-side-burn-monty-python-guy
Beth: He DOES look like he’s from Monty Python!
Bekah: And says “”That’s not how I say it”
Bekah: Also you know how he said “Outsider?” Yeah, I couldn’t understand him.
Beth: You couldn’t understand when he says “outsider”??
Bekah: haha NO. Am i screwed? I had to rewind like 3 times
Beth: Oh DEAR. You are going to be in trouble come the show
Bekah: i won’t understand a whole thing. dammit. i’m gonna have to watch with closed captions
The one with Beth’s Confession
Beth: Ok this is hot.
Beth: THAT is very JAMMF.
Like: (cue spotlight, Linus Beth stage center)
I’ve always thought Sam would make a good Jamie, but sometimes (like when he’s wrapped in a tree skirt and holding precious moments figurines) I’m like … wait a minute. Am I attracted to this person or am I projecting JAMMF on him like WHOA. Like he needs to do a GQ or a Details or HELL even a Men’s Health photoshoot immediately before I give up on him completely. But THEN THE GIF SAVES ALL. The gif breaks down the looks into manageable bits of future JAMMF hotness and all is well.
(I mean minus the green screen hoodie.)
Bekah: I wish they’d really use the green hoodie as a green screen. Just for fun. Maybe use CGI and add a snake around his neck
Beth: Yes. Have claire’s legs draped around his shoulders
Bekah: Put him in a snuggie. or… OR…. wait for it.. full circle.. wrap him in a tree skirt
Beth: FULL CIRCLE YA’LL
Beth: THIS ONE IS CRAZZZY hot
Remember how I was kind of confused whether or not I found him hot? I’m kind of not confused now, at all.
Bekah: hahahahahahahahahahaha- you just need JAMMF in slow mo.
Beth: I just need him in bits and pieces.
Oh wait… Sam actually SAYS something in this clip, right? Sassa… Sasse…. sasse- something? Yeah… That was HOT.
What did you think? Are you pro-JAMMF in a christmas-tree-skirt-tartan? How are you feeling about the curly hair?
Thanks to Heugligans on Tumblr for the amazing gifs!
