It hit me a few weeks back (after someone told me) that it’s almost officially Thanksgiving. Oh shit. Cue me scrambling to get a plane ticket home, cursing the airlines for knowing they have us over a barrel and can jack the ticket prices up, and thinking of recipes that I can edit out the dairy and meat from (yea, I got nothing). Then of course there’s the inevitable family interaction, which if you’re like me and lucky you have a really awesome immediate family that gets you, but then you start throwing in all the extended family members and the in-laws and the out-laws and it makes for a real hum dinger (yup, I said it) of a week.
So how will you make it? I’ve come up with a handy for surviving Thanksgiving 2013… you can thank me with leftover pumpkin pies, southern dressing and letting me win the Wii Family Reunion Bowling Tournament again this year. And yes, that is a real thing.
Surviving Thanksgiving 2013
1. Get Rip Roaring Plastered
So the obvious first choice is just to open a bottle today and don’t stop drinking till you hit that window seat on a plane back home. BUUUTT let’s be honest, if family holidays can be awkward a family intervention over the holidays would be even more awkward. So put down the bottle and let’s come up with some alternatives: Hot Toddies, Irish Coffee, Eggnog, secretly drinking from a flask behind the pool pump or in the garage near your long forgotten Rainbow Bright 10 speed, if you live in colder climates. Wait, what was I saying about an intervention?
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2. Find A Place To Hide
Retreat to your room or if you’re like me and your parents recently moved out of the house you grew up in, you get to stay in a room that now resembles a guest bedroom slash free (s0rry Dad!) storage unit of all your childhood and adolescent memories. Grade school diary that I forgot the code to? Check. Junior High yearbooks that showcase how I was at once a nerd (Band photo, AV Club, Choir) yet sorta with it (Pom Pom team)? Check. Childhood photographic proof of the hairdo affectionately called “The Wedge” by those lucky enough to have witnessed it themselves? Check. Try not to feel awkward or like you’re at an Air B n B when you can’t find the bathroom in the middle of the night or you’re the first one up in the morning and can’t locate any of the light switches in the kitchen. If you’re one of those whose parents have remodeled your room into their home gym or movie theater, than have fun on the couch. And I’m sorry.
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Source
3. Meet Up With Your Old High School Buddies
Nothing says escaping the family mayhem like meeting up with you old high school pal who now has four kids under the age of five for a relaxing lunch for six at the local sorta fast food mexican joint you guys used to frequent after late nights out. Or just offer to be the errand boy/girl which means you’ll spend most of the time in your Mom’s purple PT Cruiser but at least you get to see the fine brussel sprout selection at the Grocery store or make friends with the checkers at Target. At least you’re home for the holidays, they’re stuck there pricing thing for Black Friday.
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4. Eat Your Feelings
Oh wait, this has aspartame, that has dyes, there’s some gluten, what about that suspect looking meat, and let’s not forget the dairy over load that is Thanksgiving. UGH. Eating away from home can be a bust most days but add in your diet restrictions to a family affair and it can leave you at the table looking like Nicole Richie but without the major bone density lose or resume of reality TV shows.
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5. Pack Loads of Books
Or if you’re trying to adhere to the one bag guideline set up by the Grinch-y airlines, load up that iPad with books on books on books. There’s nothing better than getting to that really sexy part in Outlander/Beautiful Bastard/Fever Series and looking up to find your seat neighbor on the plane is oogling you over his office issued 25 inch Lenovo laptop, in his sweaty polo shirt and khaki Dockers. Forget Lady Boner killer, we’re talking Lady Boner Destroyer. Even if your lady parts shrivel up and die, at least you’ll be all ready for next month’s Boozy Book Club! Silver linings guys! Silver linings.
Whether it’s books or booze or friends or a conspiring family member, you’ll make it and besides they’re your family and there’s only going to ever be one of those! Tweet us your #normal (aka not normal) family Thanksgiving fun! Use hashtag #NormalThanksgiving and we’ll share ours too!
