Husband Hunting: my foulproof plan

The other day, I laughed my way through Jamie’s post on hiding your inner crazy cat lady. Especially her thoughts on what to hide from a Potential Future Husband. Because I didn’t have a clue what not to share with Potential Future Husbands, even if I wasn’t into cats.

I was at the point where I couldn’t even manage finding potential future husbands during high school and 95% of college–my husband is the ONLY guy I ever dated. (For the record, that was so not my plan. However, the only guy I dated was everything I ever wanted, so there was no need to keep looking).

So upon reflection, since I did so well for myself (despite myself) I decided to present you with:

My Foolproof Plan for Snagging a Husband

Become best friends with a guy who wants to date your roommate.
Tell him repeatedly that she leads guys on, he’s not her type, and he doesn’t have a shot with her.

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Share WAY too much information with him about yourself. The more personal and inappropriate, the better. You’re best friends, not trying to date him, so you don’t have to censor yourself the way you would with other guys.

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Go to Paris. Realize when you’re walking along the Seine and staring at the Eiffel Tower–missing your bff and barely aware that you’re in France–that you’re kidding yourself. You’ve totally fallen for him. (The bonus for this step is that you get to take a trip to Paris!)

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Freak out, because you don’t know what to do about it. And you told him about that. And that. AND THAT!

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Try to play it cool when you see him again, but realize you don’t know how to do that.

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Spend the next year in this strange limbo: You’re still friends. He knows you’re into him. You know he doesn’t want to date you. You both try to salvage your awkward friendship anyway.

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Resign yourself to the fact that he isn’t going to wake up one day and realize he’s into you. Start to pull away.

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He realizes you’re pulling away–and that you’re about to graduate (or move/change jobs/date someone else)–and realizes he’s been an idiot and totally loves you too.

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Start dating.

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Date for a time that would be way too short if you hadn’t been friends first and get engaged,

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Get married

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Let him in on the one secret he didn’t know about you before: he has to share you with book boyfriends, because you will read Twilight/any other romantic book that gets you swooning over and over and over again.

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Live happily ever after–in which he’s dragged around to midnight showings of YA movies and you’re dragged to soccer games/ski slopes/camping (but that last one will only happen twice before you insist you’ll never go again).