In light of Sunday night’s episode, I feel confident in saying we can confirm Sally Draper’s trajectory to rehab at about four to four and a half years. Where else would you end up after (ONCE AGAIN) seeing your Dad’s pants around his ankles while schtupping your cute neighbor’s mom in her housekeeper’s room. Poor Sally! Poor Housekeeper! Have fun getting those stains you DIDN’T make, out of your own duvet cover! And to think all Sally was trying to do was break into her neighbors to steal back a teen girl’s sleepover game gone wrong so that the cute neighbor boy would’t see it and she wouldn’t be mortally embarrassed for all eternity (three months). Instead she is treated to the site of her father’s infidelity and subsequent lying to save his own skin rather than acknowledge his total failure as a parent. Yay, adolescence!
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The Writing’s On The Wall
Her Father is Don Draper
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Honestly, how do you avoid rehab when you own father won’t own up to his own shenanigans and tries to convince you that you didn’t see him DOING Lindsay Weir on a bedspread from JC Penny’s and was instead “comforting” her? So how Sally can seek comfort from men in a sexual sense when things go wrong, like, HER LIFE. Good life lesson there Don.
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Her Mother is Betty Draper Francis
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Of all of the people in Sally’s life, her own mother is probably her worst enemy. Between her absent parenting, her self-loathing body image issues and the way she pits her own children against their father, a pack of feral wolves would rank higher than Betty on a Mother of the year list. Betty’s abismal parenting will probably be the straw that breaks little Sally’s fragile teen psyche. Helllloooo suburban basement parties, booze spiked punch, meeting “Mary Jane” for the first time and seven minutes in heaven with boys Sally lets go UNDER her sweater.
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Her Step Father is a Politician
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Did we learn nothing from the Bush Twins, Meghan McCain and Bristol Palin? Being a politician’s child is one step away from Celebrity Rehab and posting revealing pictures of yourself on Twitter. Even though Henry Francis is the saint of Mad Men and Betty Draper does not deserve him, politicians kids are so much closer to a CNN expose than the local plumber’s kids are. Best case scenario: Sally pulls a Chaz Bono and her second act is a much publicized transgender reassignment surgery and an ill-fated turn on Dancing with the Stars. Here’s hoping, Sal Draper!
Her Step-Mother is a Soap Opera Actress
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Her Step Mom, Megan, is an actress, plays a maid, has fake sex and affairs on daytime television and all the neighborhood boys think she’s hot. What could be a bigger nightmare as a teenager? Probably having your Grandpa drop you off at school in his woody station wagon and then yelling out the window “don’t do drugs!” while honking as he drives off. Or so I heard from “a friend.” But that’s probably another post altogether.
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One can only hope Sally is able to see a spade for a spade or a dysfunctional family for a dysfunctional family and is able to side step rehab altogether, blackmail her father into giving her an amazing car on her 16th birthday (Chevy of course), go far, far away for University, studies abroad, “finds herself” with the help of a hot spanish boy she meets at her study abroad program, interns with a mentor like Peggy Olsen, discovers an amazing therapist and lives a relatively normal life sans emotion numbing substances and the terrible influence of her parents.
Can Sally escape this or is she destined to self medicate and over compensate for her terrible parents? Some bloggers think Sally might end up preggo, agree or not? Mad Men Sally Draper
