There were just so many winning moments this week but let’s start out with sausage. You heard me right folks, sausage. What is a trip to Germany without a little sausage tasting? But do you really need to play lady & the tramp with the sausage? I’m getting all sorts of menage eau tois innuendos here… I can see it now, for the first time in Bachelorette history Des picks TWO guys and they move to a compound in Utah and live happily ever after.
Despite Chris and Des’s erotic sausage kiss (yes, you read that correctly, erotic sausage kiss), Chris is so clearly the frontrunner and most adorable of the bunch. He is also my backet pick for who Des takes home at the end of this. As long as Michael G doesn’t decide he needs to murder Chris too. Chris writes Des poetry which gives her the giddiest ever look on her face and procedes to have the most adorable soundbite from his interview about the date.
You are adorable Chris! But please brush your teeth, I don’t want you to get cavities or screw up my Bachelorette Bracket by kissing Des with morning mouth!
Now on to my favorite part of the evening… what Bachelor Nation (yes, that’s a thing) has dubbed #MostAwkwardDateEver, the 2 on 1 date with Michael G and Ben. Here’s what you need to know leading up to the date. Michael G. HATES Ben. We are not exactly sure why, something to do with Ben’s general smarminess. But because someone forgot Michael’s medication back in Atlantic City (just a working theory) he tells us all that he is going to murder Ben with his attorney/prosecutor super powers.
Now for the entire date all I can think about is ways that Michael G could murder Ben: drowning in the hot tug, hypothermia in the glacial lake, stabbing him at dinner, the list really goes on and on. By the way, this is a hot tug is you have no idea what a hot tug is, it also is one of the first sightings of what I like to call, Michael G crazy eyes.
Now at dinner, I really think Michael might reach for that steak knife because he’s got a serious of the crazy eyes! Or are those his impeaching eyes? You can’t handle the truth Des!
But do worry guys, Des keeps ole crazy eyes around! I mean I know Ben is smarmy and a bit creepy but I feel like Michael is going to snap my neck! Send both of them home Des! On a side note, please don’t read this and hunt me down Michael G!
And in our final moments of the episode we get to finally see Ben’s true smarminess at work. I can’t even write anything snarky about it because the direct quote is just too good. Your future Bachelor America.
And all I can think as he’s driving away is WINNER!
Don’t weep ladies and gents, we haven’t lost all of our “here for the wrong reasons” bad boy drama. Our Germany episode leaves us with the news that dun dun dun… James is only here to become the next Bachelor. Say it ain’t so!
See you next week for all the fun time drama just waiting to ensue.
Written by Paige
Paige’s Current Obsessions: Diet coke, Taylor Swift, Vampire Diaries (Damon and Elena), yoga pants, Jeniffer Garner and Ben Affleck, the Kind Campaign, girl crushes (I like boys.), Possessionista, One Piece (my onesie of choice), Kenya, The Voice, Bachelor break-downs, crying to the Les Miz soundtrack, Lil Bub and Scientology conspiracy theories.
