I promised more boyfriends. So now it’s time to take a look at the guys who didn’t woo their ladies in the world as we know it. What happens when some of our favorite book boyfriends become husbands … in some futuristic dystopia??
Dystopia: n. imaginary place where people lead dehumanized and fearful lives. Where the end of the world leads to a totalitarian society where some government or sect controls how we live and what we think. While that sucks in lots of ways, what we really need to know for our purposes today is WHO IS FOLDING ALL THESE BOXER BRIEFS?
THAT’S NORMAL IS EXAMINING OUR FAVORITE BOOK BOYFRIENDS AS HUSBANDS … YA DYSTOPIA EDITION.
**REMEMBER OUR NOTES FOR THE BOOK HUSBAND SERIES:
SPOILER ALERT for most of these books. I can’t really talk about a couple’s future without talking about what happened to them at the end of the book. Read at your own risk.
The guys are getting judged by Hotness Sustainability (how you looking, Mr Middle Age?), and #HusbandProblems: the inevitable horribleness men bring to their domestic lives. Assuming that the other, most important of husband factors (romance) is fully taken care of by these mother truckers being FICTIONAL.
Leon Grey
Original Boyfriend to: Gaia in The Birthmarked Trilogy by Caragh O’Brien. That’s CAPTAIN Grey to you.
Hotness Sustainability: Leon, despite his unfortunate name, grows on you as you read these books like a tree moss. He’s a soldier, he scours the wilderness for Gaia, and he has killer blue eyes. They go through so much in three books, that you know once he finally settles down, he can only get hotter. Hot ex-soldier hotter.
#HusbandProblems: Dude is tenacious. So I’m thinking when it comes time to spend your luxury vacation money on something, he’s gonna lobby pretty hard for a twinset of jet skis.
BONUS: He’ll fight a boy in a pit for you.
Alex Sheathes
Original Boyfriend to: Lena (oh and then some hooker named Coral) in Delirium by Lauren Oliver. He has a sweet love shack with a tarp and everything.
Hotness Sustainability: He has auburn hair and golden eyes and tan skin, which basically means he’s completely fictional. Does that exist in nature?
#HusbandProblems: Alex has more possessiveness issues than Edward Cullen. Good luck with that budding, totally platonic friendship with the guy from work who also loves to cook Cuban food.
BONUS: Um, he’s got the squatter’s rights rules down, so you’ll always have shelter.
Can you tell I’m Team Julian in these books? I admit it.
Anthem
Original boyfriend to: Haven in Coda by Emma Trevayne. Blue-haired emo-punk guitar wizard. (I totally love him.)
Hotness Sustainability: Anthem is a gritty-throated punk rockstar, complete with weird chrome implant tattoos and killer talent. The world in Coda is beyond futuristic, but in what universe are truly creative rock gods NOT hot? That’s right. Nunzo.
#HusbandProblems: “No one ever picks up their fiber-optic electric blue hair extensions around here anymore do they?!?!?!”
BONUS: He writes the songs that make the whole world sing.
Four (SPOILER: aka Tobias Eaton)
Original Boyfriend to: Tris in Divergent by Veronica Roth. Every bad boy fantasy ever, rolled into one hot biscuit.
Hotness Sustainability: Tris tells us all these awesome details about Four – he’s tall and dark, has deep blue eyes, and a full lower lip (YUM). Awesome back tatts, etc. But it’s the simple fact that Natalie, Tris’ mom, is also fully aware that Four is handsome that seals the deal. If you’re serious cougar bait at 20, you got it made. Congrats on your face, Four.
#HusbandProblems: Another book boyfriend who’s afraid of heights!!! Geez. Who’s gonna humanely remove the bird’s nest from the chimney for us? Also, Four has mommy trust/abandonment issues and a major case of the BadDads. This smacks of couple’s counseling.
BONUS: He fights bad dreams with his bare hands. So he can fight brown bears and spiders too, probably.
Peeta Mellark
Original Boyfriend to: Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (sidenote: someone PLEASE get her a new website. 2002 was quite some time ago.) He makes good quip and great quiche.
Hotness Sustainability: While I have no problem imagining the cool, futuristic artificial leg Peeta has as being kind of hot, I think his main descriptor of “stocky build” coupled with the whole baking thing means he’s going totally super-pudge by the age of 28.
#HusbandProblems: His favorite pastimes are painting, baking and gardening. It’s like being married to the Barefoot Contessa.
BONUS: You are basically married to the Barefoot Contessa.
It’s possible I’m wrong, but I think Four wins this round, guys. THHHHEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOO.
So, did your favorite YA dystopian book boyfriend make the cut? Yell at me for not rating Maxon or whatever his name is in the comments. Also, not enough of you have read Birthmarked. Get on that. CODA is also completely amazing and different and brand new. READ IT.
