Dear ROBSTEN,
We heard the rumor of your split from a few reliable sources (we peeked in your windows & saw the final fight) and are shocked. We thought things were going so well. You got through July 2012 and were broken and then unbroken again. We truly thought you were unbroken for good.
We did a little digging into our harddrives to find our favorite ROBSTEN photos from over the years. There are so many to chose from, but we thought these represented the two of you best. Do you know what you’re missing? Do you know what you’re giving up? We thought we’d remind you:
No more dressing up like the characters from How to lose a guy in 10 days
No more ROBSTEN Facetime
No more staring at Rob’s face while a sunbeam hits his 90s Brad Pitt hair while he sleeps with his “KRIS” Tattooed hand covering his mouth
No more sitting for “Olde Time Photos” when you go to the Jersey Shore
No more Rob helping Kristen put on underwear in the morning (he’s so helpful)
No more dreams of competing with the Duggars for family-size
Ok, so we can handle purging our hard drives of all these photos but what about the rest of the internet?
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Honestly, how will we go on without more fan videos?
I don’t want to imagine a world without sepia-toned Robsten moments taken out of context and put to the music of Sia.
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Does this mean we no longer need the “EVIDENCE” of their relationship culled together from hours upon hours of interview, movie and paparazzi footage via Youtube?
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What about videos using the “science of symmetry” (no, really!) to show us Rob and Kris’ (cause she’s Kris to her true fans) EPIC, unbreakable love story?
Are you convinced yet? I know I am. And now sad. So, soooo sad. .
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What about Twitter? How will they handle it?
Clearly, not well…
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We were thinking the same thing…
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Oh wait, just kidding… back to being creepy.
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It’s time like these were everyone needs a laugh
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Wait, don’t we know you???
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Just close your eyes and remember guys… it’ll all be over soon.
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And then an unlikely voice of reason appears…
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HAHA just kidding, we had you fooled for a second. BACK TO CRAZY!
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What will we all do now if this breakup sticks? Rob and Kristen, if you’re reading this (and of course you are), the world needs your special brand of laise faire/who gives a fuck/get out of my way celebrity in the world. What other fans will we troll? What other couple will be jokingly post obnoxious videos about to each others Facebook walls? Who will fill the void in our haggard, ice cream eating, cat loving (or dog in Nikki’s case), pathetic hearts? WE NEED YOU!
Cue Van Morrison Song Here,
Bekah and Nikki
P.S. If you’re a ROBSTEN believer don’t worry they’ll be back together in like two weeks, when one of them runs out of clean underwear and backwards hats. If you’re a ROBSTEN non-believer or just like most people and don’t give a crap anymore, don’t worry they’ll break up again in a few weeks when it’s convenient for one of them, when they need some more publicity or when one of them forgets to restock their dwindling pile of cigarettes and Bud Light Lime.
