As we sat down to watch the fifth episode of Game of Thrones Season three, it dawned on me that we are officially half way through the season. Talk about LE SAD. I’m not ready to wait another entire, long, drawn out, YEAR till we get some more dragon and wolf and lion and weird brother/sister action. Thank the Gods this episode featuring so many booty’s and squeal worthy moments it helped make up for ALL THE FEELS you guys it’s not even funny. UGH, George RR Martin why must you make us feel SO MUCH?!?! Between our sads and our squeals I couldn’t help but feel like we were right back in high school watching this episode.
Being half way through season three means we’re getting to the crux of a lot of this season’s story arcs and the crux of a lot of feels. So let’s picture it this way… if the season was a freight train, after Sunday’s episode we finally reached the pinnacle of that tall mountain we were climbing. We’re now on a direct, no holds barred, broken brakes, all systems go, no seat belts, keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle, freefall to the bottom of the hill aka the last episode of the season. Like Deranged Sorority girl said: “… tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email season is going to be a rough fucking ride.” Kinda like puberty.
Ok, maybe it won’t involve any c-word punts or mental slowness (Hodor) but it will involve a lot of the tears and lots of girly screams. This is your warning.
So these two junior highers were flirting…
“SEVEN HELLS” JON! This is a girl’s version of punching you in the arm in the lunch room. She doesn’t want your dumb sword (the metal one) she wants you to kiss her…
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Yea, that’ll work. *girly sigh*
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Cue us yelling “THE LORD’S KISS” at the tv screen and squealing like freshmen girls after crank calling that guy from history class and hanging up. It was a very high school kinda night. There’s even a Lord’s Kiss mix you can listen to HERE. In case you need some musical uh, “inspiration.”
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And then this guy was like…
Peekaboo, I see you… with the empty socket of my missing eye. CREEP status.
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And then someone captured THIS moment and all of tumblr let our a collective high school girl squeal. JOOOOOONNNNN!!!
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I see you Jon Snow.
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And then somewhere in the capitol these two were fighting like little kids and then their dad was like cut that shit out. You’re both marrying people you don’t want to and that’s it. Now find MY SON.
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Back in a cave with the one-eyed guy…
Gendry tells Arya he’s staying with the brotherhood when she leaves even after all they’ve been through. And we cry like baby junior high girls. Because. the. feels. GO WITH HER GENDRY!!!! OH AND TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AGAIN GENDRY!!! NO?
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Somewhere across the narrow sea Khalessi continues her one-woman quest for the BAD ASS-IEST (it’s a word. Probably Dothraki) MOTHER OF DRAGONS title in all the free cities. And wins. SO. HARD.
This week we found her freeing slaves and generally being like that senior girl who everyone wanted to be in high school who was revered by every clique, hung out with anyone, was head cheerleaders but didn’t date a jock, she told everyone she was too busy being herself (read: dating a dude at the community college) to settle down, and she probably went to the prom with the kid from the special needs class. We all wanted to be her. We STILL want to be her.
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And Ser Jorah wants to be with her too. Sorry, new English teacher type who wears sports coats with patches and just graduated college, not gonna happen.
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Meanwhile this jock’s having a Breakfast Club moment in the locker rooms with the captain of the girls lacrosse team…
Guess what guys, that lacross captain aka Brienne has a smoking hot bod under all that armor and Jaime ain’t no dummy is all I’m saying. I ship it hard. Jaime and Brienne for Homecoming King and Queen!
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Back in the Riverlands the hot student body President comes up with a plan… (and forgets to button his shirt… AGAIN)
YEAAAA… ABOUT THAAAAAAAT… I feel a major swirly/locker stuffing moment coming on here.
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Then over on Dragonstone in a dungeon…
This happened between ol Davos and little Princess Shireen and we felt ALL THE FEELS IN THE WORLD. Honestly, this was the sweetest, heartbreakingly sad couple of scenes. Forget being Stannis’ hand, Davos, take Shireen and sail FAR FAR away from that crazy place and that crazy red woman, and crazy Selyse with her dead babies in jars (WTF WAS THAT!?!?!) and weird sad, no friends having Stannis. JUST GO! LEAVE!
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So this brings us to the end of the episode and the beginning of the free fall to the end of the season. Hold on to your butts friends because it’s only gonna get crazier and more intense from here on out. I can’t even let myself think about what’s to come. Also: Jon Snow’s booty.
SEE! Like a high school girl.
Thoughts, where were your feels in this episode? Have you read the books and do you know what’s coming?
