Dear Netflix,
I’d tell you that ours is a love-hate relationship, but based on your knack for guessing my deepest, darkest thoughts and desires, I’ll assume you already know. Thanks to Jamie’s Supernatural recommendation, I skipped showers and serious responsibilities for a week to freebase demon blood (uh, spoiler alert?). You give me what I need, but you also start to feel like the Matrix after a while. Or a therapist. Just because I watch a lot of “mysterious crime dramas with witty female leads and supernatural situations” does not mean that I need the minute specifics ALL SPELLED OUT FOR ME, OKAY? You’re such a mean girl.
Yes I took a photo of my screen instead of a screenshot because I am a Grandma.
Now I hear you’re not even respecting doctor-viewer confidentiality! What’s this I hear about the so-called “future of television” being Netflix-created, Netflix-produced, Netflix-exclusive programming? You’re not just rubbing my SyFy problem in my face now, you’re developing NEW DRUGS specifically attuned to my preferences? Or, as one might say, my own personal brand of heroin?
To better demonstrate the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve gone through, I leave it to The Geeks in gif form:
When I first heard about original Netflix content, my initial reaction was:
But then I heard you were bringing us more Arrested Development, and I was like:
And THEN I watched House of Cards, and I went:
Ugh, fine. You won me over. Now that you’re taking my precious, precious data and tailoring shows to match, why don’t I suggest a few other series that would be guaranteed successes for me specifically. Since I know you’ve only got one boo, right? RIGHT?!
Things you should know about me, Netflix (and probably already do):
1. I will watch the crap out of anything with Audrey Tatou in it.
Have you seen Priceless? Or, in French, Hors de Prix? I have no idea why I love this movie so much, but it’s one of those romantic comedies I can watch over and over again. Anyway, it proves to me that Audrey Tatou is enough to make me watch anything. She was the manic pixie dream girl (Amélie) loooong before Zooey Deschanel came around. However, perhaps she is most authentically Audrey in French, as The Davinci Code was a huge snooze. Show #1: Audrey Tatou in the French remake of Alias.
2. I think Robin Wright’s Claire from House of Cards is scarier than any demon in Supernatural.
In a good way. But Claire is really too much greatness for the mortal realm. She needs some creatures, some otherworldly power, etc. Show #2: Claire is Kali, the Hindu goddess of empowerment (see: Supernatural, Sanctuary), but she awakens in the 21st century in the form of a human woman.
3. I like puns. And Redwall, critters, nostalgia, and sword fights.
I’ll admit that I made this one up as a joke because I am super cheesy, but then I realized it HAS TO BE DONE. Show #3: Mouse of Bards: the entire Redwall book series, in tv form. (Apparently it has already been an animated show, but let’s dream bigger).
That’s all I’ve got for now, because my boyfriend watched something called Indie Game: The Movie, and now my recommendations are RUINED:
Anyways, you better deliver on this. I’ll probably see you this weekend with my sweats and a bottle of wine.
Love (?),
Elise
What are your Netflix recommendations? What shows do you want Netflix to make next? Are you also terrified of Claire?
