2012 was the year that brought us Kim and Kanye, Mittens and the GOP gang and “Call Me Maybe” along with many memorable and regrettable things too numerous to post. So here’s a look back at my favorite moments, embarrassing things, and most shameful realizations of 2012.
Hunger Games – You finally came to a multiplex near us and we were finally able to convince real, living dudes to go to a YA novel turned movie with us!
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Downton Abbey – Everyone and their dog suddenly became obsessed with the upstairs/downstairs drama and pined away on social media about Matthew and Mary and will they or won’t they? I was among them and I’m dying for season three to start in the states so we can have more of the Dowager Countess’s one liners and Patton Oswalt’s freaking hilarious live tweets.
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The words “Swaggy” and “Yolo” – DIE. DIE FOREVER.
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The 2012 Olympics – I missed pretty much ALL of the Olympics except the time that Kenyan relay team won and the women’s weight lifting finals (Spoiler: Belarus and Azerbaijan ain’t fucking around) because I was in a country with iffy tv reception and NO Bob Costas. Turns out Ryan Lotche is the Channing Tatum of swimming, so I didn’t miss much.
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Magic Mike – What could have been a terrible, terrible Bachlorette party-esque movie turned into quite a good summer flick. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t Shakespeare but it was Soderberg worthy, dark and edgy at times and made me hate Alex Pettyfer a little less. It also made me shameful that I would consider DO-ing Channing Tatum but only if a paper bag was over his head. And he couldn’t talk.
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The Voice – You made me believe in televised singing competitions again. You made me vote for random people singing network karaoke using my AT&T wireless phone. You made me question if the whole thing was rigged (JERMAINE PAUL?! REALLY?). You made me want to get trashed with Blake Shelton. You made me actually like Adam Levine. What is my life now?
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Girls – I hated you. And then I loved you. I mostly hated you because dumb media types were talking about your “fresh, new voice” when everyone my age has been talking and thinking and living like this since forever. Welcome to our world Hollywood. Finally.
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Breaking effing Bad – In 2013 we will die when Breaking Bad is over.
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All that dubstep influenced pop music on the radio – I don’t want to like you on principle but I can’t stop dancing to you. Also, that terribly catchy Swedish House Mafia song got me through a few super terrible, no good days. Thanks Swedish House Mafia. I’m embarrassed for myself now.
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The British (UK) Invasion – ALL of my (totally real-fake) boyfriends come from those fair isles and we were all SO pleased to obsess over them in 2012. Benedict Cumberbatch, I just want to say your name out loud over and over again while I stare at your wondrous five-head. Tom Hiddleston – you are burdened with glorious purpose and I am burdened by my love affair with you and bad boy Loki. Robert Pattinson – I just can’t quit you. And lord knows I’ve tried. Eddie Redmayne – Those freckles. I can’t. Nicolas Hoult – The only Zombie I’d let get near my brain. And mouth hole. Andrew Lincoln – “To me, you are perfect.” Every actor who has ever been on Game of Thrones, ever – besides the kid who plays King Joffrey. Michael Fassbender – One word: SHAME.
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Chris Brown and Rihanna – These two. On again, off again, on again, off again, on ah- oh, who gives a shit if this girl is dumb enough to go back to a dude with terrible tattoos who, not to mention, tried to rearrange her facial features in a rented Lambo just a few years ago. My 2013 resolution is to unfollow Ri-Ri on Instagram as I can no longer take her half naked pics coupled with her screenshots of her daily devotionals amongst her pictures of blunts and bad 420 jokes.
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Miley Cyrus’s Hair – She looked like a backwoods, lesbian, bondage version of Robyn. Which actually sounds pretty cool but then you remember that she’s just trying to make you forget she’s Billy Ray’s spawn and was once on a mega popular with the kids show: Hannah Montana. And she’s engaged to Liam Hemsworth. UGH Miley, stop trying to live our dreams!
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The 2012 Election – It’s true, I had my one prerequisite quadrennial political blow out with a family member via social media back in August over a dumb Obama “comic” but it was still a political cycle to remember. Or forgot depending on your political leanings and if you watched ALL the Republican debates or not. All I know is we need new legislation by 2016 regulating the amount of political ads and robo calls on the air in a 24 hour period unless done by that year’s People’s 50 Hottest Men, shirtless. Now THAT’S change we can believe in.
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Twilight – We bid a fond, quiet-shoulder-shake-cry to the saga that brought us some of the best times of our lives. We laughed, we cried, we cut out a life size Robert Pattinson in saggy underwear and we laughed some more.
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Gangnam Style – “You know what we need? We need a new Macarena!” – said no one ever.
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All the “famous” pets of the internet – Grumpy Cat, Lil Bub, Spangles, Maru etc etc etc. I am over you. Please stop telling your humans to post videos of you and sell tshirts with your face on them.
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That Gotye song – In like 10 years we’ll all be singing this song (off key) at a karaoke bar and we’ll all still mispronounce his name.
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Taylor Swift – She finally stopped acting like she was an earnest country artist and got to work shagging every boy in the northern hemisphere. I was all for her weird underage Kennedy fetish until she dumped him and went after my if-I-was-a-16-teen-girl-dream-boat-fantasy: Harry Styles. BACK OFF SWIFTY. Leave the teen boy trolling to me.
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Instagram – Remember that time Instagram changed their terms of service and all those celebrities turned into armchair lawyers and said they’d leave the (totally free and not obligatory) app and were sad they had one less outlet to be narcissistic on? Yea, that was funny.
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Les Mis – It finally came out and we all finally cried and we all finally thought Eponine should have gone after Enjolras instead of Marius. Marius clearly didn’t know a good thing when it bound her breasts and joined a revolution and then took a bullet for him. But I guess when your waist is smaller than the bonnet on that other girls head and he likes HER more, it’s time to reevaluate you life. And we did. In the movie theater, whilst crying into a napkin soaked with popcorn butter grease. Get here quick 2013.
Get. here. quick.
Mostly cause I’m ready to see Matthew and Mary’s wedding.
Happy almost New Year!!
I know I missed a ton of great things from 2012. What were your faves/least fave?
