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You know what I’m talking about, we’ve all been there, we’re seen the shiny picture, we’ve read the shiny click bait title in our Facebook feed, we click it and BAM we’re reading dumb life hacks in 2 minutes flat.
These are not hacks! No one’s hacking anything. You’re not Angelina Jolie and Jonny Lee Miller wearing roller blades and saving the world from a computer virus. You’re not even Sandra Bullock who got her life stolen while on a Mexican vacation. You are not HACKING anything. You didn’t just get a free burrito or turn a 12 ounce Diet Coke into a 32 ounce Big Gulp just by reading lists of advice. You didn’t just pull a fast one on life by rotating the little tab on a can of Coke to hold a straw.
I’ll admit I have 41 Camping Hacks That Are Borderline Genius by Buzzfeed bookmarked and saved for all time. That, however, does not make it miracle news. It also makes me laugh at some of the “genius hacks” I’ve read. Such as:
Hack: Cut up a straw and fill the pieces up with antibiotic ointment or toothpaste for single-use packets. Use a lighter to seal up the ends.
I want to see the person who can jam toothpaste or ointment into a tiny ass straw piece and then light the ends on fire successfully. THAT person deserves to be called a hacker. Or an elf with teeeeeeny fingers.
Hack: rubberband two tissue boxes together. One full and one empty for the used tissues.
Is your life really that busy that you can’t locate a trash bin for your tissue? What kind of post-nasal drip are you dealing with that you really need to rubberband another, empty tissue box to a full one?
How did any of us ever paint before this infamous paint can hack?
You know what this bathroom needs? A waterfall made from a dustpan!
Sure, you can get some good ideas from these things but at best these are tips, and some barely so. Eating Cheetos with chopsticks is not a ground breaking new way of eating, it just makes you look like a weirdo-Asian-obsessed-germaphobe. What are you too good? Lick your fingers like the rest of us.