Here are my top moments from this week’s episode (and my reactions in gif form, naturally).
Ian Will Not be the next bachelor
When last week’s episode ended (continued?) we were left watching Ian about to self-destruct. Basically Ian decided that Kaitlyn wasn’t for him and rather than moving on in any semblance of a dignified manner he decided to eviscerate her personality and insult her intelligence. All this while not so subtlety campaigning to be the next Bachelor since, you know, nothing endears you to the heart of America as quickly as being a horrible human being. Ian told Kaitlyn that she is shallow, immature and basically not on his level as a Princeton grad, intellectual, and deep human being (etc. etc. gag). I’ll be honest, I wasn’t surprised by his perception of Kaitlyn since I’ve seen and heard many viewers say the same things about her on social media or like at church on Sunday when they corner me and talk about The Bachelorette (you know who you are). I did, however, have a problem with how he said it. There was no need to be so mean! Also, how are we supposed to trust a guy who keeps mentioning how much he hates fart and sex jokes. I bet he had a TON of friends in high school.
My reaction. (source)
Remember the alamo
After Ian left, Nick comforted her with an inappropriately timed make out session then, the remaining men and Kaitlyn took a field trip to The Alamo for the rose ceremony. Has there ever been a more apt location for a rose ceremony? It’s almost a little too on the nose. Where should we publicly humiliate and decimate the hopes and dreams of some grown men? I know, The Alamo! Kaitlyn sent 90’s hair Justin and half scalped Joshua home for good. I don’t really have a lot to say about them other than to advise future contestants to make smarter hair choices. Then, Chris Harrison came out to earn his paycheck and announced that the whole crew was headed to Dublin, Ireland. Lucky you, I can stop complaining about the lack of international travel!
My reaction. (source)
Nick has Serious Game
Once they made it to Dublin this season’s villain, Nick, was given the first one-on-one date which is only appropriate since he kinda reminded me of a leprechaun in his especially tight green pants. He and Kaitlyn spent the day strolling around the city, avoiding birds and generally not keeping their hands off one another. Here’s a question for you, why does someone who is terrified of birds (Kaitlyn) have two of them tattooed on her arms? Life is full of mysteries. Anyway, they visited pubs and made out against walls before ending up in a beautiful church for dinner where they proceeded to search for one another’s lucky charms behind the table.
I do not understand this man’s power over the female libido. Kaitlyn was FEELING IT much like Andi did when Nick was runner-up on her season. If you were lucky enough to forget, allow me to remind you that Nick slept with Andi and then announced it in a seriously shady way on the After the Final Rose Special. Can you tell he’s not my favorite? Of the 11 remaining men on the show he’d easily rank close to the bottom of the group in terms of general hotness, but the ladies can’t resist him. It’s simultaneously impressive and baffling. Good for him I guess? The only saving grace of this whole block of television was when they cut to a scene of the other guys talking in their hotel room and Shawn winked directly at me in the direction of the camera.
Thanks, Shawn. I feel much better now.
Eventually their date moved to Kaitlyn’s hotel suite where we were subjected to the most uncomfortable few minutes of TV I’ve experienced in some time. The sounds. THE SOUNDS. I’d like to say we were left with the subtly implied impression that Kaitlyn and Nick slept together, but this is The Bachelorette and they don’t do subtle. Instead we were gifted with a shot of an erupting fountain and a few scenes of (literal) birds and bees.
My reaction. (source)
Funerals are not hot
The next morning Nick may have taken the proverbial walk of shame back to the men’s suite, but it was Kaitlyn who was regretting her actions. She was genuinely concerned that her night with Nick would affect her other relationships. Gee, I can’t imagine why. If you follow the show in entertainment magazines or online I’m sure you’ve seen that the public response to Kaitlyn has been unnecessarily harsh. I personally wouldn’t make the same choices that she made but, she’s a 29 year-old woman and, quite frankly, she can do whatever she wants. Plus, why does Kaitlyn get all the hate when Nick is just as culpable? This public shaming of women is infuriating. Stop it.
Anyway, Kaitlyn took all my favorite guys (plus Jared) on the group date. Both Bens (of the H and Z variety) Shawn, Chris, Tanner and Jared dressed in their rose ceremony suits and attended a fake wake for Kaitlyn. Yes, Kaitlyn was laying in a coffin while all the guys stood around and eulogized her. At this point the date planners have completely given up. I imagine the conversation went something like, “Well they went for the Mariachi thing might as well throw a funeral next week.” They ended up having fun making jokes and singing until it was Ben Z.’s turn because, the twisted minds of The Bachelorette asked a man who has never cried over the death of his mother to make a eulogy at a funeral. I want to see the man’s first tears in 11 years as badly as anyone, but this was too far Bachelor! Too far I say! No one messes with hunk of man meat Ben Z.
Next, they all attended the group date cocktail party and Kaitlyn had great one-on-one time with each of the guys as they move from friend zone to boyfriend material. Surprisingly, she ended up giving the date rose to Jared which meant the rest of the men went back to the hotel while she and Jared had a private concert at Christ Church Cathedral. When I say private concert I mean the Cranberries performed “Linger” for them live while they dance awkwardly in the gorgeous church. My fifth grade self was fangirling hard. I’m pretty sure Jared was in pre-school in 1993 when this song released so the moment may have been wasted on him. Also, can we talk about what all these priests were thinking allowing The Bachelorette into their places of worship? Poor decision making abounds.
My reaction. (source)
Shawn needs a hug
While Jared and Kaitlyn were off dancing to the only Irish band The Bachelorette thought Americans would recognize (although, I don’t think the Dropkick Murphys would have provided the same ambiance) Shawn was back at the group date cocktail party freaking out. You may remember that Shawn told Kaitlyn he’s falling in love with her and she gave every sign that she feels the same way and that he is her man. That is, she gave every sign until she was hypnotized by Nick’s roaming hands and then gave Jared the group date rose. Shawn couldn’t handle it. He started pacing and telling everyone that he’s in love with her which just generally made the other guys uncomfortable. Then he admitted that he was going to cry and #BachelorNation gave a collective sigh. They showed him heading to Kaitlyn’s hotel room to confront her and then Chris Harrison’s voice over cut in with the the all too familiar “to be continued” of disappointment. If Shawn got that upset that she gave a rose to Jared I can only imagine what his reaction will be to the news that she slept with Nick. I’m not ready for Shawn to leave the show yet, so I hope he sticks around just long enough to become the next bachelor, but not long enough to become Kaitlyn’s future ex-fiancé.
My reaction. (source)
Britt Who?
They ended the episode with a scene from the Britt and Brady show and guess what? No one cares about them, not even her mom. Britt introduced Brady to her (seriously gorgeous) mom and her mom told her she “made a nice friend.” BURN.
My reaction. (source)
Hope Kaitlyn Packed Kleenex
Next week we should get to see the continuation of this episode which means Shawn will confront Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn will have a two-on-one with JJ and Joe. They may even get crazy and throw a rose ceremony in there. Oh and based on the preview, Jared is going to cry, Kaitlyn is going to cry, Nick is going to cry, and Chris is going to full on sob on top of a cliff. So basically everything is going to be totally normal.
My reaction. (source)
Do you think Kaitlyn should tell the guys about her night with Nick? What do you think will finally make Ben Z. cry? Tell me in the comments.
