Hello, my name is Jamie and I am a crazy cat lady. Ok, maybe I’m being a bit too harsh, but one would think by the amount of times that I am tagged in cat posts on Facebook, that I’m out and about with my CCL ways. In reality, I try and push down the urge to buy my childhood cat with a rose sweatshirt from the cool press-on t-shirt store on the Ocean City, NJ boardwalk.
I can’t even pull this off ironically.
The facts are that I currently have two of the most awesome cats and I grew up owning cats. I watch things on Nat Geo about big cats and seeing kittens makes me feel a bit mushy inside. I do not own any articles of clothing with a cat, nor do I have some crazy bumper sticker (I just lost a good 10 minutes coveting some Cat lady bumper stickers…I need help.)
So unless you want the world posting images like this on your Facebook page forevermore…
You should follow my How-to Guide: Hiding Your Inner Crazy Cat Lady (aka do what I say, not what I do)
Do not fill Instagram with cat pics
Sure, there is a #CatsofInstragram hashtag, but it does not mean your feed should be full of cat pictures. Sorry, nobody *really* wants to see Mr. Whiskers watching the birds, or Butterscotch giving a big stretch. And if you MUST add cats pics, do not publish them all to Facebook. Instragram users and Facebook users have a much different tolerance for your amateur National Geographic cellphone photos “skills.”
He’s just camera shy
Do not talk about your cats like they are people
You never want the following to happen:
You: So Felix and I were exhausted after spending the day on the sun porch.
Potential Future Husband: Wait, who is Felix?
You: Oh, my cat. I have 5.
Do not show pictures of your cats on dates
Let’s say that I have a friend who after receiving a text on her phone while on a date, was so moved by the cute cat picture she just made her phone background image, asked the potential future husband if he wanted to see pictures of her cats. TRUE STORY. (I love you friend, whom I will not publicly shame by mentioning your name.) That was the last date with the PFH. Lesson: No matter how cute your cat photos are, wait until at least the 5th date before you show the pictures.
Do not purchase cat clothing
You may even have a friend or two that can totally pull off cat clothing. How do they make it look so fashionable? They are the exception to the rule! They are already married or engaged. Married with cat clothing = cute and quirky; Single with cat clothing = Crazy Cat Lady.
My friend is so lucky that she is already married. Otherwise, Crazy Cat Lady!
Even if the cat leggings look super chic, hide your wallet and walk away.
Remember, you are the rule. You will look crazy. Hipster friend will look cute. She is the exception. (More fun cat leggings here). Friends will tempt you by wearing giant cat head t-shirts on Book Club Chats. Remember the rules.
Do deny the number of cats you own
Acceptable number of cat to own as a single person = 2. Do you own more? DENY DENY DENY. Maybe some of your cats look alike? Easier to make people believe you have one less cat. My former roommate and I had 4 cats between us. Luckily, Felix and Juan Carlos looked somewhat alike and we could tell most people that we only had 3. Believe me, four cats in the room at the same time is scary business. In large numbers, cats contemplate mutiny. It’s a thing.
Cats will mutiny and you will not stand a chance
Are you a crazy cat lady? Have you shown your cat pictures to your potential future husband? Are you buying cat leggings? Any rules to add?
