But next time, let’s leave Luke P. home, please.
ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS?
When the episode opened Hannah and the men were still at the rose ceremony from last week and large Luke was still fighting with bite-size Luke. In the words of third tier Dustin with a nose ring, “I’m tired of hearing about the Luke situation, honestly.” Hannah forced the two men to sit and talk out their issues while she made the same face I make when my kids argue about where they get to sit in the car.
Nothing was accomplished by their talk so they skipped straight to the rose ceremony. But, right when Hannah was about to start handing out roses, Luke S.(mall) sent himself home. All of the other men grunted and blamed Luke P.(lus size) but he got the last rose of the night so who cares. Sperm donor, Matteo and fan fave, John Paul Jones were sent home.
The first date in Inverness went to Mike Johnson. Do Mike and Hannah have chemistry? No. Was this the perfect opportunity to nail his audition as the next Bachelor? Yes.
Hannah and Mike drank whisky, explored an old book store, laughed over sour candy and kissed on a bridge after eating haggis. All in all my ideal date minus the boiled sheep intestines. At dinner that night, Mike told Hannah that when he falls in love he falls hard, so he is scared to be hurt by this process. He was vulnerable, sweet, funny, hot as hell, and got the date rose.
Meanwhile back at the manor, all the other men were still talking about Luke when the group date card arrived. Singer Jed, my boyfriend Tyler, dad-bod Grant, laid back Connor, nose ring Dustin, pilot Peter, veteran Kevin, golfer Garrett, sidekick Dylan and complete stranger to me Devin were going to participate in traditional Highland games. That meant two things. One, men in kilts. Two, Luke P.(uke) got the last one-on-one date.
This date was mostly the men
flashing an unsuspecting crowd wrestling commando in kilts and Hannah climbing on top of one third of them to make-out. I didn’t hate it. When blue-eyed veteran Kevin walked in on Hannah sitting on top of Jed I laughed harder than when I found out Jed used to dance in a male revue show in Nashville. Peter, Tyler and Jed are clearly at the top of the poly-amorous pyramid, but Jed got the date rose.
LET’S GET REAL
Finally, for the first time since receiving the first impression rose on night one, Luke P.(ush-ups) got a one-on-one date with Hannah. He said, “I don’t see this date going any way but phenomenal,” but he should probably get his eyes checked. They sat on a beautiful cliff-side among ancient castle ruins and Hannah tried to get Luke to be vulnerable and real with her. This is where Hannah shines. She doesn’t shy away from confrontation. She’s fair and articulate, but firm in what she wants. Unfortunately Luke is about as deep as a puddle of his sweat after a cross-fit workout.
She tried. She really, really did. But he just doesn’t have more to give. She voiced concerned that all the other men hate him and she wants a partner who people are drawn to. He said “everyone I’ve ever met loves me.” She said she wants a man who owns his flaws. He called her perfect. They were speaking two different languages, but Hannah, for better or worse, still feels a deep connection to him. With her frustration mounting, Hannah told Luke that she couldn’t give him the date rose and the episode ended.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
In the trailer for next week Luke P.(lease go away) is still there. My best guess is that she doesn’t give him the date rose but lets him stay for now. Just send the poor man back to his natural habitat at the gym, Hannah. It’s the kind thing to do. Regardless, we aren’t quite done with the Luke drama yet and based on the fact that none of the other men on this season even follow him on Instagram, I don’t think it gets prettier.
Do you think Luke P.(unk) is a villain or just immature? How much longer could he possibly last on this season? Are you in love with Tyler like I am? Let’s talk in the comments.