Rian Johnson (TLJ director) and Chuck Wendig (Star Wars: Aftermath Trilogy author) came to the defense of KMT and condemned fan abuse, prompting fans and large fan accounts to take a good, hard look at the state of the fandom and condemn its toxic elements. HAHAHAHAHA! JK! They actually got really online mad at Rian and Chuck because something something but her character was really bad something something we demand to be heard.
I will acknowledge that all social media is trash (tho I looooooooove eeeeeeet!), but Instagram is a special kind of hell because you can’t really do anything about comments on your posts. So folks like KMT and Leslie Dogg just have to sit back and take the petty, hateful crap and LIKE IT.
As usual, Facebook (IG’s parent company) is right on top of all of this mess, making user safety a top priority (HAHAHAHAHA!). If FB is any indication, these issues will be addressed swiftly and competently (HAHAHAHAHA!), but in the meantime I would like to propose a few measures to improve the IG user experience:
The Insufferable Git Chrome Extension:
Is someone fansplaining a movie you love to you? Hit this button on the comment, and the responsible IG user will be blasted with adult Peanuts’ noises from every device in his/her home until such time as the fansplaining stops. Also useful to stop insufferable gits like Scott Adams from using his epic Dilbert comedy chops to give a 1,500 word lecture about comedy to libs because they just don’t understand why the classical humor structure of racist tweets make them funny. What’s that Scott? I can’t quite hear your bullshit over all the “wah wanh wah waaah wah”ing.
The “Sure, Jan” Bug
The Sure, Jan button is for use on comments that follow this structure: “I don’t hate X because she’s a woman (Asian, LGBTQIA, not Christian, etc), it’s because I hate the character.” Choosing this option causes a virus to be released into the offending IG user’s computer that converts every piece of text into “Sure, Jan” and every image into this gif:
Good luck writing that resume, chach!
The Hypocrite Handler
You know what my favorite part about the “Rose Tico is the worst character ever in the history of ever so we’re going to harrass KMT to her grave” thing is? That by any objective standards the actual worst character in TLJ is Poe Dameron – he literally masterminded a mutiny that got a shit-ton of people killed! But nobody is driving him off the internets – I wo(ma)nder why? When you run into this particular brand of sexist douche, just hit the red “H” next to the comment, and it will be immediately forwarded to the appropriate aggro male celebrity account (*cough* Chris Evans) who not only has no time for that bullshit but also will do the social media equivalent of this:
The Full Beyonce
This one’s for all the racist, misogynist, and homophobic commenters out there! In this brand new IG feature, whenever a slur or threat is typed into the comment box, an electric charge is sent through to the offending keyboard causing pain and muscle spasms in the offender. The current increases over time, and only stops once the comment, and the user’s entire account, has been deleted.
Hopefully, with the addition of these features, IG can become a place where entertainers are not forced to be the repository of fans’ garbage entitlement! Conversely, maybe we fans could all take a collective deep breath, find a hobby, and stop being total assholes because of a fucking movie!
*insert shrug emoji*