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The best thing I ever learned from TV was Charlotte saying to the rest of the Sex and the City ladies, “Maybe we could be each other’s soulmates. Then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” I have lived my life this way and am celebrating my 10th friendiversary with my besties–who would kill me for calling them my besties–this summer (yes, we know the exact moment we went from acquaintances to each other’s people). We have laughed over many, many, many bottles of wine and survived too many loser boys to even mention. These are the real people we should be celebrating in February!
“On February 13th, my ladyfriends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home and just come and kick it, breakfast-style.” Source
So, forget Valentine’s Day (I always do). It is Galentine’s Day! Grab a stack of waffles and a mimosa, you poetic and noble land-mermaid, and we will let you in on the rainbow-infused space unicorns that we would invite to our dream Galentine’s Day.
You didn’t think I came up with that Knope-ism on my own, did you? Source
My dream squad: My dream squad would be led by none other than J.K. Rowling for obvious reasons. I happen to be going to Harry Potter World at Universal Studios in June and I guarantee she knows some of the secret hot spots and I need that knowledge. There must be some secret butterbeer that only the Queen of Harry Potter herself knows. She would do readings of her scathing political tweets, and oh, how we’d laugh.
Next on the list is Rachel Bloom, star and co-creator of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. She will perform a musical number on the importance of friendship, and somehow we’ll all know the lyrics. To her left is Emilia Clarke because she seems like one of the happiest people I’ve ever seen and we all need that in our lives. She can also instruct us on how to slay both brunette and blonde hair successfully. Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark, hosts of My Favorite Murder round out our roundtable, regaling us with interesting stories. Karen will also take the stage to read some of her hilarious tweets. Last but certainly not least there’s Kate McKinnon. Her reason for being there is self-explanatory. We will have an impression off and guess what – everyone will win!
gonna blow my hair out every day for a month then write a think piece on how my otter-like smoothness has impacted the community
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) January 24, 2018
A group of seven women is also known as a slay – the more you know. We will dine on a buffet of french fries with various toppings, and all get a kitten as our parting gift. It will truly be a fine day with these luxurious ocean centaurs (Leslie Knope-isms are very hard to come up with it turns out…)
My Dream Squad: Well obviously the first person who came to mind was Julie Andrews. Ever since The Princess Diaries I’ve always wanted her for a Grandma/Best Friend. She’s Classy AF but still has that British ballsy-ness so she doesn’t take shit from anybody. She’d amuse us all with her perfectly deadpan saucy comments while also reminding us to sit up straight and keep our elbows off the table. Next to her would be Emily Blunt, because the woman who landed John Krasinski HAS to be amazing, right? Also, two Mary Poppins at one table! She’s gorgeous and talented and I want to be her friend so bad. As long as she can deal with the fact that I will occasionally pine after her husband. Next is Lucy Lawless, aka Xena Warrior Princess, aka Mrs Ron Swanson. She’s a legend. She’s also a fierce environmental and civil rights activist. Rounding out the actors would be Caitriona Balfe. She’s adorable, and funny, and I knew I loved her when she admitted that her favorite form of exercise is reaching for food while lying on the couch.
Then there’s Condolezza Rice, because she was everything I wanted to be as a 15 year old. And my favorite author Laini Taylor; she’d be along simply so I could silently bask in her brilliance. Karen Marie Moning would also be there, because she seems fun-slash-slightly eccentric, and she gave the world EFFIN’ JERICHO Z BARRONS. I need to buy her brunch for that fact alone. We’d all drink Mimosas and gorge on carbs, and I’d lavish them with Leslie Knope-style compliments like “you luminous, brilliant, empowered she-wolves”. Unlike Leslie Knope, I can’t craft to save my life. But I CAN pay someone on Etsy to make each lady a cross-stitched pillow of their face, so…best Galentine’s Day ever!
Your dream squad: The very first person I would invite is Kristen Bell, not only because she would keep the whole table laughing, but because she’s really smart. I would also want her to be the only person I ever ask for relationship advice because she and Dax have so much fun together while being upfront about being far from perfect. Next to her would be Sophia Bush, who is always using her social media to empower women, and I have such a girl crush on her. On her other side I would have Sherri Shepard, my favorite guest star on all the shows because of her mix of hard truths with sugar coating of a joke.
For my author section, I recently read Samantha Irby’s We Are Never Meeting in Real Life and would want to prove her wrong. I also need to know if the hot professor she crushed on in college is who I think it is. I would also invite Jenny Lawson, author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and Furiously Happy and get really excited when she shows up because I would expect her to cancel last minute.
And finally, I would have to have Amy Poehler and Tina Fey because they are are my favorite funny ladies, but I would make them sit across from each other so that they couldn’t keep any of their conversation to themselves because I’m needy like that and also because they are actors and writers and they would be my buffers. I would go with a classic brunch of stacks of pancakes, waffles, Cinnabons in lieu of cake, bacon that would magically be fat free (it’s a dream, right), etc, my favorite mimosa recipe (the basic half sparkling wine, half OJ, a touch of your favorite berry juice). After breakfast, I would treat everyone to manis and pedis and we would stay so long that we would have to order fried snacks and wine later.