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Summer time means school’s out (for the children’s), the shorts come out, the nights are longer and the concerts are here! Undoubtedly if you’re like me, you see shows throughout the year regardless of the season but there’s something about summer and outdoor venues that brings out EVERYONE. Who doesn’t want to sit outside drink wine and listen to John Mayer? JKJKJKJK, I’m sure he’s great. What I really want to talk about today are the rules of concert going. This isn’t just leave the glass bottles at home and wear comfortable clothing kind of rules, these are rules from someone who not only goes to a lot of shows but has worked in the live music industry for years. Sit down my children as we pass on the ways of how to not bug the shit out of everyone around you at a concert!
(definitely does NOT listen to Zeppelin)
At this point, I thought everyone knew this rule but it never fails, you roll up to a show and think, THIS WILL BE THE SHOW, this is the day I won’t see anyone in the band’s tshirt. Walk up, tear the ticket, walk inside and BOOM newb in the shirt of the band you’re all waiting to see. I know the merch table is alluring or maybe you’ve been a fan since “before they were cool” but where’s your chill bro? Leave the shirt at home.
This should also go without saying but I’ve been trapped behind massive dudes close to the front of the stage, and I’m pretty tall for a woman! Dudes, I know it’s exciting to be up front and see your favorite band, but the rest of us would like to see them too! The back of your grown out faux hawk is not as alluring as the tight jeans the lead singer is wearing. I’m just sayin…
I can’t state this enough. This must have been what lighters were like back in the day, only you can’t hold a damn lighter up in front of your face for the entire show. There is NOTHING worse than standing behind someone who is either taking 923478023874034 pictures or filming the entire concert. Your Youtube channel better be on point dude or you’ve ruined the entire show for everyone around you. NO ONE wants to see the video you took where your terrible singing voice can be heard in the background and you’re so drunk that most of the video is of the girl’s head in front of you.
Take a few pictures, Snaps, whatever so you can have a memento of the show and then PUT IT DOWN. I’m begging you. What band wants to look out at the crowd and see everyone on their phone? Talk about a vibe killer. BE IN THE PRESENT.
What are you doing? Reading your fanfic? Playing a quick game of Candy Crush or processing a few Word Docs during the show?? Oddly, the iPad shooter is almost ALWAYS a man, a bit older and blasting everyone’s corneas behind him because he has the brightness turned up to 11. If we wanted to watch music videos on a large screen we would havent stayed home and watched YouTube. PUT.IT.DOWN.
Going back to the phone… you are not outside on a sunny day, you are most likely in a dark, smokey room with zero ambient lighting so when you unlock your phone you might as well be lighting a bonfire in front of everyone’s eyes. Turn the brightness ALL THE WAY down before the show begins or maybe, you know just DON’T USE YOUR PHONE!
Of all the things that piss me off at a concert, this is probably numero uno. Sure, whisper a few comments to a friend occasionally, that’s cool but having a full on conversation, LOUDLY, WHILE the band is either playing or talking makes me stab-y. I literally could punch someone right now thinking about it. Beyond being distracting to everyone around you, you are being disrespectful to the artist and the experience. We did not pay 30-100$ to hear about your boss at work or what you’re doing this weekend. STAY HOME,
Just be cool. Have a drink or two but don’t get sloppy. Enjoy the people around you but don’t be a jerk. Don’t touch the girls around you if you’re a man. Don’t push or shove if you’re not in the pit and above all, ENJOY THE MUSIC.
There you have it… what did I leave out? What shows are you seeing this summer?
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