Confession: Bekah was right in the way of The Smiths’ “Stop Me If You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before” lyric:
Nothing’s changed. I still love you, oh I still love you.
Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to.
I actually started writing this post in September 2015, mind you, and now it’s February 2016. Clearly some things have changed, but I think I can still write this truthfully. I also want to put some kind of full disclosure that I actually am talking about fangirl crushes here and am not mentally unsound, but am going to write it the way our brains process things and not like reality is a thing we need to concern ourselves with.
Buzzfeed Quizzes Are Absolute
Looking back, you might think it all started with Man from U.N.C.L.E., but the reality is, it started with a Buzzfeed quiz back in like April or June 2015 (seriously I can’t remember time killer quizzes from that far back–just call it May 2015) when someone sent me the “Which British actor should you marry?” and I got this guy Henry Cavill. I took it again, mad I didn’t get Tom and changing my answers a little bit… but I got Henry Cavill again.
So, I was all, “Who the fuck is Henry Cavill?” to my friends who immediately glared (via the internet; my RL friends don’t actually know who Henry Cavill or Tom Hiddleston are) and exclaimed, “MAN OF STEEL!” Not Superman, but Man of Steel. I find the distinction delightfully amusing. I quickly nodded, shrugged and admitted, “Oh, I never saw that. Not really into DC other than Batman. More of a Marvel girl.”
The photo on the quiz wasn’t his most stunning option, but I looked him up further just to see. And I definitely made a funny photoshop of me and Henry Cavill at a premiere alongside a photoshop of me and Tom at some awards event. Because #normal. Why wouldn’t I want that side-by-side comparison of who I want to be my husband and who Buzzfeed clearly is 100% certain is the man I should marry [within the confines of present day British actors]?
Then I promptly forgot about Henry Cavill entirely and went back to living my life.
But my destiny of Henry Cavill did not forget about me.
After successfully writing at least 15 RPFs about me and Tom having an epic love affair that always, every time, so consistently ended in a heartbreaking close where we simply could not be together, I found myself questioning what I was really doing with Tom Hiddleston. And before you get all judgmental about RPF writing, I do it to process through complicated emotions, such as depression, so have fun judging that. Anyway, Tom and I, like our astrological signs, were doomed to epic sex and terrible endings. It felt wrong for us to be happy together. Wrong! That’s not normal, people. This is fantasy that I’m creating in my brain, it should not end with sadness. Like, what was even happening?!
Enter This Interview
Sometime in July or early August the below interview was posted on my tumblr feed as gifs. I clicked on the source link to watch the whole interview, having completely forgotten that Henry is British, mind you, even though he’d been my “British actor you should marry” result. He looks totally different here than he did in that quiz’s photo. (his v-neck sweaters kill me) Plus I’d seen the Man from U.N.C.L.E. trailer and he 100% sounds American in it.
I’ve timed it to start around the point where me and Henry Cavill had that moment you can only have with so many people in your life. That moment of full and utter connection where you are the same entity. Where you look at Armie and think, “Well, it wasn’t that hard.” before wondering if anyone else is like this and then shrug it off because it just doesn’t matter in the end. This is the moment I fell in love with Henry Cavill.
Once people said Man From U.N.C.L.E. was excellent and not incredibly terrible and cheesy (like it was made to look in the trailer! WTF marketing people?!), I decided to go and see it. I even convinced my husband to go, citing how it was a spy movie and should be good. He already knew about Henry Cavill at that point. There was teasing. At least until we actually went to the movie. Now my husband won’t shut up about the editing. Like for real. The editing and the score. He still talks about it. We saw it back in August!
You should know that at that point in time I still said Henry’s last name as “Caville” (rhymes with Cruella Deville from 101 Dalmatians). I referenced him as such so often and so assuredly, that when I finally heard it said correctly on his Graham Norton interview discussing his childhood nickname of Fat Cavill, my husband was basically like, “No, his name is Caville, sorry but it’s too late to change it now.”
I needed more Henry
After Man from U.N.C.L.E., I needed more Henry. I needed to see Man of Steel. So I did. No one warns you that the movie is actually incredibly sad and way emotional. I’m warning you if you haven’t seen it yet. You will likely cry. Henry is really excellent as Kal-El/Clark Kent though. I watched the Making Of and such and was really impressed with his introspective meets this-is-fun-yay! state of being when he did that workout program. I am not into buff dudes (see my long time crush on leany boy Tom Hiddleston for evidence), but there’s something about Henry I couldn’t shake. I still can’t.
Sure, I’m not all about him in his beardy state… he actually looks eerily similar to Jamie Dornan w/ a beard, which is kind of awkward:
But on the whole, Henry Cavill is exquisitely beautiful. I admitted my new fascination to others, and they quickly spammed me with every version of Henry possible. I came to realize that I’d seen Henry ages ago when he was 17 in Count of Monte Cristo. I watched dozens of interviews to the point that I could give you the stock press answers about too many of his films.
I all of the sudden knew he was from Jersey and spoke fluent French and some Italian and had like 4 brothers and one of them was in the military and he was dating / engaged(?) to some cage fighter chick who also does acting and he loved Guinness and he went to boarding school from a fairly young age. And let’s be clear, Henry is pretty private all things considered. The internet had just already done their homework years ago when he was naked on The Tudors.
But more important than Random Cavill Trivia and the fact that he and I are way closer in age than me and Tom, I discovered these key things that secured my belief in the Buzzfeed quiz from May…
He has ensorcelling sectoral heterochromia iridis
He doesn’t respect Wikipedia as a journalistic source
He runs a wildlife conservation partnership
Is this REAL LIFE?!! This man is living my dreams. Why are we not together?!!!!! Here’s a link to the Cavill Conservation and Durrell Wildlife Park in Jersey. Bonus is the excellent mustard pants he’s rocking. Like, Henry even looks good in zoo clothes.
He looks sexy holding a baby
Yup, you heard that right. Me, the person who is sooooo never having kids ever and finds dudes with babies a massive turn-off, feels that Henry Cavill is even hotter when holding a baby. That was the tipping point.
Seriously, this had all just come to a culmination of Me + Henry = Love Forever where I was questioning how I could handle dealing with our children while he was traveling for work (and my friend kindly reminded me of nannies being a thing that exists instead of gently stating that this was a problem I literally would never face), and that is the moment in which Bekah called me out on my loss of interest in Tom.
She had no clue how deep in I was with someone else though. How could she? I was too ashamed to admit it to anyone other than my one friend, and especially could not admit it to Jamie W. of the T Hiddy Committee. What would I even say to her?! Sure, she was crushing on Armie Hammer at the time, but was it the same as my sudden in-depth ponderings of whether or not the Cavills would like me? Surely her Armie crush was not that insane. Jamie has always had more dignity than me after all.
No, the stark truth was that I was in love with Henry Cavill and I didn’t know how to stop. Frankly, I didn’t want to stop even if I could. I wanted all of Henry. More than I’ve ever wanted of Tom. It was the strangest sensation. I was overcome. The whole ordeal reminded me of when Beth was all, “Your ship chooses you, not the other way around.” I was not in control of my feelings, my needs. I was not in control at all.
So, naturally, to deal with such complicated emotions, I turned to writing some RPF and I let Henry be in control. He already was, after all. Ten days later, I’d finished writing an MMF erotica featuring Tom and Henry in which Tom and I just were along for the ride (all puns intended). Suddenly everything went back to normal in my soul. It’s kind of amazing how that works. So, don’t worry, I’m back on board with Tom. I just love Henry too now. I can juggle both. I promise.
Final note: I just retook that Buzzfeed quiz and I got Tom Hiddleston on my first try. What was I saying before? Buzzfeed quizzes are absolute?
Are you cheating on any of your Celeb crushes… I mean real life loves?