Why not? It’s time for a letter. It’s been a while. You probably read the title and wondered “RPATTZ?” Yup, I’m now calling you RPattz, that’s the level we’re at… no more Rob or Robert or Mr. Pattinson (if you’re nasty).
So, remember last week when rumors starting that you popped the question (no, not whether she was Team Edward or Jacob, cause duh JACOB) to musician FKA Twigs and we wanted to talk about it but decided to go on a long Easter weekend? Oops. This would NEVER have happened at Letters to Rob. Oh well.
To catch you up T-Pain, yes the rapper who’s sole gimmick is rapping/singing using a talk box “accidentally” spilled the beans when he was chatting with Vulture:
The musician may not contribute to his new album because… “She’s engaged now.Yeah, to ol’ Patty [Robert Pattinson]… I don’t know if she wanted anybody to know that …”
I mean really kudos to T-Pain for getting his name back in the papers after being gone from the collective conscious of everyone who listened to pop radio between 2007-2008 (ThrowbackThursday Song 1, 2).
What did I think when I first heard the news? EH… good for you? I mean I also haven’t seen a Rob movie in the theater in like, almost a year but they’re adults and seem like they love each other, whatever! BUT then I started reading gossip-y post about how Twigs wants a baby, and they’re living together and want to get married in a few months and I started to get worried. Not for myself AT ALL… I’m nervous for Claire and my good friend DICK PATTINSON:
Yup, you remember how I took selfies with your Dad before that was a thing. It’s cool Rob, be in love and get engaged and married and whatever but don’t do anything rash… if we know anything about Hollywood it’s a hard place to sustain a relationship. Grow your relationship first, make sure you want to see this Twigs girl (please tell me you call her by her real name Talilah every day for the rest of your life. Just don’t bring Dick and Claire’s emotions into this too early! Protect DICK!
And then there’s the other person the press is super worried about after news of your engagement spread. Who else but your old flame Kristen Stewart? When I was Googling “Robert Pattinson engaged” to get that Vulture link above, 95% of the posts were not, in fact, about YOU getting engaged but more about how Kristen was handling the news. Um, yea I think she’s probably ok, right? I mean who forgot this?
Oh yes, she kisses ladies now. I’m also pretty sure no one was really worried about KStew’s feelings after her Mini Cooper/Hollywood sign tango with director Rupert Sanders. So let’s move on. She’s cool Rob, she might even be with Dakota Fanning if these Google headlines are true, so there’s that.
So who does that leave us with that I should be worried about??? Oh yes, US. Since it took us almost a week to write about it and Bekah and I couldn’t fit in a time to “Break It Down” as we are wont to do… you could basically say I am exactly like this post from Breathe Read Love describes me:
Mazel Tov Rob! It better be forever, or I’ll hunt you down for hurting Dick.
PS: Also, what about Bear???? Who get’s custody of Bear?????? The world wants to know!
Robert Pattinson engaged?! Can you believe this guy? Going and getting engaged and breaking everyone’s heart? Thoughts?