Yes, Star Wars, Han Solo, and Chewbacca (Without any gray. What the hell is his secret? Does he use some type of galactic root touch up?) are coming back. Sure, The Avengers are avenging something this summer. Okay, Ben Affleck’s jawline is squaring off with Henry Cavill’s abs in the new Batman v. Superman film.
But what has made me fangirl all over has been this week’s additions to the Beauty and the Beast cast.
Earlier this year, Harry Potter fans (and a couple of those people who saw Bling Ring) raised their wizard wands high in celebration over the casting of Emma Watson as Belle. Hell, we even got giddy over Hermione donning the yellow dress and wishing for something more than this provincial life.
And then it just kept getting better.
To the squeals of Downton Abbey aficionados, Dan Stevens was added as the Beast, and I’m just going to pretend that this was what Julian Fellows intended this for Matthew Crawley instead of a shitty car crash: he has a castle, pissed off an enchantress, turned into a beast and is waiting for true love to break the spell because Mary Crawley was a biatch who couldn’t do it.
Then Luke Evans and his well-crafted cheekbones were announced as Gaston. I really want to know how this audition went down: Do you have sculpted cheekbones that could cut glass? Check. You’re hired.
And then the list grew, and the cast became that dream cast you could only make up after a few margaritas that make you think that you should first open a bar and second become a casting director.
I’m hoping this photo is them rehearsing “Something There.”
So, pluck on your Mickey Mouse ears with your name stitched on the back and break out the $20 churros: here is a quick run down on what is, in my opinion, the best fecking cast ever. And yes, I just dropped a pseudo f-bomb when blogging about a Disney movie. I do the same thing when I ride the teacups at Disneyland.
Emma Thompson (Mrs. Potts)
I have no words for the brilliance of this. None. (Okay, I know HP fans: It’s Professor Trelawney. And yes, it’s Hermione Granger. Only thing to make this reunion complete is Daniel Radcliffe as Chip. Spoiler alert: it ain’t happening. Put your homemade sorting hat back in your magic trunk.)
Josh Gad (La Fou)
Honestly, this is probably the most uncanny casting ever. Who wants to place bets that Josh Gad spends the least amount of time in the makeup chair?
Kevin Kline (Maurice)
I waved my geek flag high for this addition. Um, it’s Bottom from A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Can a sister get an ill-timed, off the mark high five?
Ian McKellan (Cogsworth)
Gandolf is Cogsworth! Or, for the Marvel fans: Magneto is Cogsworth! To be honest, I’m not really a rabid Lord of the Rings fan (Since no one – not even his wife – would go with him, my brother bribed me to see the films with the promise of free popcorn. I consider refusing free food to be one of the deadly sins.) or X-Men fan. For the longest time, I thought he was in Harry Potter as…well, someone. (Wasn’t every British actor in Harry Potter? I’m looking at you, Rob Pattinson.) And yet, Ian McKellen has made an indelible mark on some of the most popular movie franchises.
But with all those films (save Harry Potter), my favorite role? His Maggie Smith impersonation on Saturday Night Live because first, he nailed it. And second, he unabashedly made out with my dream soul mate, Jimmy Fallon.
Ewan McGregor (Lumiere)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Sorry, Lorena) is going to play the horniest candelabra ever? Better yet, Christian from Moulin Rouge is going to add to his “I’m going to sing about my emotions” repertoire “Be Our Guest”? (If this movie was directed by Baz Luhrmann, the song would be remixed by Jay-Z and Lana Del Ray would moan in the background. That’s art, people.) Hell yes he is! On a separate note, will it be sad if I’m more attracted to the candlestick than the beast? Don’t judge.
Stanley Tucci (Cadenza)
Now, before you run to your Disney VHS collection (Remember when Disney would tease us that the “limited release” videos would go into the vault soon? I really want pictures of this damn vault.), pop in your overworked copy of Beauty and the Beast and search for Cadenza, stop now. He isn’t there: this is a whole new character.
Yep, Caesar Flickerman is playing a talking piano.
Because of all the enchanted objects (including a footstool), why wouldn’t the piano be alive? Nice recovery, Disney.
Which Beauty and the Beast character are you excited to see come to life? Who are you ready to hear sing “Be Our Guest?” Leave us a message or tweet us your Beauty and the Beast predictions!