Dear UNNAMED FAMOUS HOLLYWOOD ACTRESS,
You were recently seen on holiday in (REDACTED U.S. ISLAND) with a “gal pal” laughing, throwing around the ball and enjoying a bit of winter sun.
What stuck out to me wasn’t the obvious look of glee on your face (Often unseen, especially in your tumultuous time since starring in REDACTED HOLLYWOOD MEGA YA BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE plus your break up with REDACTED NAME OF BIG HOLLYWOOD STAR PLUS that little indiscretion with REDACTED NAME OF USED TO BE BIG HOLLYWOOD DIRECTOR), but the fact that you seemed to be kissing your gal pal.
I’m all for girlfriend PDA. I’ve been known to grab the hand of a bff late on Friday night after a couple of drinks. I kiss my friends square on the lips in greeting (something which Jamie just reminded me no one thinks is normal but me.) I go arm in arm with girls more often than boys. But close sitting, lips-grazing romantic beach sesh? Not really my thing, nor the thing of most straight girls I know.
But, it seems to be YOUR thing! And I’m so glad! If this is your thing…. get it girllllllllll… I really think I’d like you more as a lesbian anyway (Because obviously I’m a fat, lonely, cat-loving horny-bitch who stilll pines after REDACTED NAME OF HOLLYWOOD ACTOR.)
Thanks to Letters2Alex for the tip. We miss you