TN’ers Susan, Amy, Tonja, Katy and Barb had the pleasure of talking to author Tiffany Reisz about her Original Sinners series last month (You can watch the clips here). We laughed! We learned! And we ordered you all to read-up on the series so you can hit the ground running with The King. And you best have done that little missies and misters! Don’t make us punish you! (unless you like that sort of thing, of course).
In order to celebrate the release day, we thought it might be fun to do some dream casting in order to get you all lubed-up and ready for your adventures with Kingsley. So sit back (or lie back – whatever you need to do. No judgments), and enjoy as we present casting suggestions by TN and by Tiffany herself!
He’s known among those who love him as “the blond monster.” He’s 6 feet 4 inches of pure sadist, and he is sooooo hot!
Nikolaj Coster Waldau (Katy)
I didn’t watch GoT until recently, so I didn’t know who this guy was when I saw him on a mag in the doctor’s office. He just screamed SOREN to me, before I even knew that he is actually Danish – damn!! I know he is not hugely tall or blond, but he is just so super sex-ay.
I mean, holy Hell! Can’t you just picture him mounting his motorcycle right here and riding off with you wrapped around him? Don’t even get me started on him in his clerical collar. Yes, that was the sound of my panties just exploding. (Don’t pretend like yours didn’t) And not only does his kind of broken nose-look totally indicate a bas-ass past, but Nikolaj has proven he can play a total(ly hilarious) dick as Jamie Lannister on GoT. Which basically describes Soren. Jeg elsker dig, Nikolaj!
Bonus: Tiffany loves him as Soren too!
Amy: I need to envision Jamie Lanister tying me to the St. Andrew’s cross and going to town on me bum…okay, done. I’ll be in my bunk.
Katy: Two words: Stump play.
Tonja: Why am I doing this again? Anything I come up with will pale in comparison to Niko. He is the Chosen One.
Susan: Not for me. Soren is described as the most beautiful man anyone has ever seen. He’s been in TOO many bar fights. Also, he looks wee. Scratch. Just looked it up and he’s 6’2’’. Is that Hollywood 6’2” (5’11”) or real 6’2”?
Amy: I’m the Tom Cruise 5’10” which means I’m really 5’7″.
Barb: I am with Susan on this one. He is lovely to look at, but not quite what I imagine for Soren.
Bjorn Borg (Amy)
Since my two obsessions are tennis and smut, I’m doing an all tennis casting. Plus it ain’t hard since tennis players are the hottest athletes in all of sport (shut up, Lorena, I don’t want to hear about hockey).
The key thing about picking a Soren is that you pick someone who is smoldering at 18 and in full blaze at 50. Ladies, I give you…Bjorn Borg. Look at all that hair for grabbing.
Katy: Oh my God, he looks so Danish! He’s like the mid-century modern teak sideboard of tennis players! (yes, I know he’s Swedish, but that sounds way sexier than “the some-assembly-required wood-grain formica Blarnsk of tennis players” )
Susan: Bjorn has aged well. Look at all of that hair, still. I totally would.
Amy: Did you know Bjorn has his own line of underwear? Google Bjorn Borg. Most images are hairless twinks in tighty whities.
Tonja: Old man Soren. Yes Please.
Barb: My oh my. Bjorn has aged very well. Major step up from the sweatband headband days!
Amy: Imagine the tying up he could do with those sweatbands.
2 Norwegians and a Priest (Tonja)
Tonja: So we’ve covered Danes and Swedes which made me think, how would the Norwegians fare in casting a ‘hot smart priest with a past who’s also totally into erotica’. (I know. Easy, right?) What I found was this guy. Magne Furuholmen. I think he’s an artist or musician or who knows. What I DO know is if he was the priest at my local Catholic church, I would totally be going to daily confession.
Amy: I mis-read Magne as Mange. As in Je mange, which is French for nom nom nom.
Katy: Is it wrong that I love that he looks like the guy who sang Working for the Weekend back in the ’80s?
Amy: Mike Reno from LOVERBOY! Remember when every radio station played that song at 5 PM on Friday? Yes, I’m an old.
And if Magne is too busy grooming his side burns, Pal Sverre Hagen is tall, blonde and smoldery. And he’s an actual actor. (Because yanno, this isn’t just pie-in-the-sky dream casting for me. I’m expecting an Oscar nom.)
Barb: Yes please on Sverre Hagen. Yummy
Katy: Sverre is like the Ryan Gosling of Sorens.
Aannnnnd my back up back up (because this one would totally work out) is an ACTUAL hot priest. Mr. September from the ‘Hot Priest Calendar’ (yes, this is a thing). He’s not blonde and he’s not Norwegian but I’m willing to make an exception. Does anyone else feel like he’s looking into their soul seeing all their deepest secrets? Just me? Okay.
Susan: Get this FATHER a box of peroxide, stat. There are dirty thoughts behind those eyes. Does he say “Forgive me, myself, for I have sinned. I’ve had impure thoughts about my own sexy self.”
Amy: You know who loves a good smolder? Jesus.
1D Casting: Liam Payne (Susan)
How many of you were picturing BOY BAND while reading the Original Sinners books? Just me? Since my two obsessions are smut and a certain adorable group of talented lads*, I’m casting all 1D. In my all ONE DIRECTION CAST I envision the lovely Liam Payne as Soren.
Why is his beater so dirty? He’s been planting trees. Now just imagine him with some grey contacts, bleached blonde hair, 7 inch shoe lifts, and spritzed with the smell of winter. AMIRIGHT?
Tonja: I’m willing to overlook the giant platforms if he smells like pine needles.
Alan Ritchson (Susan)
Conversely, some may want a slightly taller, more Danish-looking, more mature Soren. So, I’ve got THIS GUY:
YUP, Alan Ritchson. AND he’s tall, AND he’s got dramatic range…He was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles AND Catching Fire.
Katy: You had me at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Please say he used nun-chucks.
Amy: He’s squinting at his own hotness.
Susan: My reflection’s so hot, I gotta wear shades.
Mistress Nora is the most famous Dominatrix in NYC, but gladly submits to the Father of all sadists, and love of her life: Soren. She’s Soren’s “little one” – a petite, black haired, green eyed fireball who looooves her riding crop!
Susan: I used this exercise as an excuse to spend hours searching out hot men. Finding Nora was not on my agenda. I’m sure whoever they pick will be lovely.
Katy: I tried. The best I could find was Jane from MTV’s Daria cartoon.
Tonja: Sorry. I got distracted by the hot priest calendar.
Katy: Tonja, it’s going to be super-awkward when you have to confess to Mr. June your impure thoughts about Mr. September.
Susan: Some actress is currently living in oblivion about the exquisiteness that could be surrounding her. I hate her already, lucky B.
Amy: As long at Blake Lively doesn’t get the part, I’m good.
Griffin is bad-boy son of a Wall Street big wig, and he lives by his own rules (unless he’s with Nora. Then it’s her rules. Always). He likes men, he likes women. He’s a carefree playboy, he’s a fierce protector of the weak. He can be a fearsome opponent, or a comfortable footstool. Griff does it all!
Marat Safin (Amy)
Griffin is cocky and hot blooded. Ain’t no tennis player more cocky and hot blooded than Marat Safin. He’s Russian. Dah! He once came to court with two black eyes. He can make a mean borscht martini. He’s got tattoos (plural). He used to sport a MAN BUN!
Susan: Call off the search, casting directors. We have a winner. I know who I’m go-ogling for the rest of the day.
Katy: Agreed. Manbun.
Barb: Manbun is hot!
David “Wolfman” Williams (Katy)
Allow me to introduce you to the many moods of Aussie rules rugby player David Williams as Griffin. First there is mischievous, rapscallion Griffin asking you to come out and play with his come-hither stare. Then, there is buck-naked, fine-assed Griffin who really needs your help in the shower! Slap a black kilt and boots on either one of these moods and prepare to get busy!
Amy: Definitive proof that beards make everything better. And you know that Griffin is dying to serve you some tea off dat ass. Plus look at how he is holding on to that head. I mean, SHOWER head!
Susan: Keep those hands where we can see them, boy.
Barb: Holy Balls this guy! Definitely in the running!
Alex Minsky (Barb)
My absolute favorite….Griffin! Oh Griffin how I love you so! I searched and searched and still kept coming back to my current obsession…Alex Minsky. Does he match exactly, probably not – but he is so damn hot I don’t care!!! Griffin can do no wrong and neither can Minsky. Shave off the scruff, though I love it and ran him up. He has this little devil look about him, much the way Grifinn seems to be.
Stuart Reardon (Barb)
My other choice for Griffin would be our man Stu Reardon. I do not think I need to elaborate, you just have to see the specimen he is and that is enough!!
Katy: Barb clearly pictures Griffin playing with his junk a lot. Which is probably true.
Susan: Think you guys are aware of my lack of enthusiasm for these two. I cringe at both the pulling down of the tighty whiteys and the junk grabbing.
Amy: In which I realize Susan has a head injury. This last guys gives me enthusiASMS.
1D dreamcast: Louis Tomlinson (Susan)
The tattoos are REAL, people! What, a tat of his bandmate, Harry? You can tell he’s good playing for either team.
Alternate: Ryan Guzman (Susan) Boy can DANCE. End of story. You just know Griffin is constantly challenging people to dance-offs in NYC clubs. Also, he looks like this:
I volly as tribute to draw his tats on with Sharpie.
Katy: I think Louis makes a better Kingsley – he looks tres francais! I’m liking the bon-vivantness of Ryan. I have now official exhausted my French vocabulary.
Susan: Impressive! Did you do a French exchange? Read farther down. I think when you see my 1D choice for King, you’ll see there was no other choice.
Wesley hails from Kentucky horse country, where he is the son of a wealthy family. He is a sexy young student to Nora’s sexy mature professor. He loves Nora, but just can’t quite wrap his head around the kink.
Holden Nowell (Katy)
This is the only picture of this model that makes him look like Wes, but it is spot-on for me. Dark hair, all-American good looks, the great but not-too-ripped body of a multi-million dollar horse empire heir – he is everything Wes!
Susan: UM, KG, Wesley is blonde.
Katy: LALALALA! I can’t hear you!
Amy: Wesley is BEIGE, so I have no idea what he looks like. He blends into the wall.
Susan: Of course, if THIS was Wes, I’d be pulling out my Derby hats and heading on down to KY.
Katy: Fun fact – KY Jelly was originally Kentucky Jelly.
Amy: Still not as good as red pepper jelly, the best jelly.
1D dreamcast: Niall Horan (Susan)
I admit it, I’ve got nothing here. He’s blonde. That’s it. Otherwise, he is my least favourite band member.
This is the hottest pic I could find. But the 12 year olds LOVE HIM.
Amy: This choice feels…illegal.
IR(imaginary)L, I actually really like Wesley and imagine him more like this:
Amy: No way a guy with that face and chin dimple only likes missionary.
Katy: I second that. He looks like a blond Bennett Ryan.
Susan: He could be a panty ripper. He wants it dirty, he just doesn’t know it yet.
We all know that Jason Isaacs has this LOCKED, but may I present for your consideration:
Clive Owen (Susan)
He can easy play uptight Jewish editor/former professor who really wants to get down and kinky.
Katy: Grace be in his English class like:
Ira Glass (Katy)
My first choice for the hot-nerdy publisher has got to be Ira Glass. He is such a sexy dork! Granted, 95% of his hot comes from how incredibly sexy his brain is – all grey, squishy and lumpy – rawr! Seriously though, he is super smart and has a voice like butt-ah! He and Tiffany have a lot in common in that they can both make “neurotic Jewish guys” sexy! (link to interview)
Amy: Ira Glass is a huge Howard Stern fan, so whenever I hear his voice, I want to scream BABA BOOEY!
Katy: And that’s what he wants you to scream. All night long.
Susan: I’m so confused right now. I just totally lost my lady buzz. Why would you do that, KG?
Katy: He is totally lady-buzz worthy! I would cheerfully tie him up, and make him tell me precious little stories about the pain and beauty of the human condition.
Susan: Okay, but blindfold me first.
For Mick’s 15th birthday, Soren gave him to Nora as a reward for refraining from self-harm. (In Nora’s defense, Soren told her he was 17. Bastard!) Tragic and beautiful, Michael’s story is featured in The Angel where he captures Griffin’s eye and heart.
Lukas Sindicic (Katy)
Lukas is incredibly beautiful, and basically looks like he just fell out of a Michelangelo painting. Now, excuse me for a few minutes while I imagine Mick and Griffin kissing up on each other…
Amy: I look at him and think, Not for me. Grizzled trumps lovely any day.
Katy: He’s not for me, he’s for Griffin. Specifically, Griffin’s face. He’s like a fine-boned, porcelain-skinned accessory for Griffin’s mouth.
Susan: I’m not in either. If he was waiting for me in that room, I would have turned around and said, “Ha ha, now where’s my real birthday present?” Also, this boy couldn’t get it up for anyone with female parts.
Travis Smith (Susan)
I just found Travis Smith, and forget what I just said, because the angels are crying now. Hello, my pretty.
Katy: He looks a little too much like Jay from Jay and Silent Bob in that pic, but I fell down the Travis Smith rabbit hole and found this. Now I am so on board the Travis -train! Choo. Choo.
Amy: Travis’ favorite animal? Unicorn.
Katy: Hahahahaha! I don’t get it.
Susan: Me either. Is unicorn a euphemism for peen? Or because he’s so beautiful that he’s like a mythical creature?
Amy: The latter. Like his uncle the Wizard told him the shortcut to Middle Earth. But then again, I can make anything be a peen euphemism.
Lastly, it’s the man of the hour: Kingsley Edge! Kingsley is a gorgeous Frenchman who can kill with his bare hands, and rock a mean pair of riding boots. The King (out today in case you missed that) is the story of the creation of Kingsley’s kink empire, the Eighth Circle.
Roger Federer (Amy)
Roger Federer displays such a detached grace when he is brutalizing his opponents. Did Roger just pass you up the alley? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Gallic shrug. His dark cat eyes will narrow in on the ball(s), and then…whack…he ruins you. It’s only fitting that the GOAT, the King of the Court, is my Kingsley.
Katy: I can totally see this. I just don’t buy the Kingsley has ever driven himself anywhere.
Amy: Roger has a private jet. He ain’t driving, even to the 7-11.
Susan: I want to be his chaufeurette.
Gaspard Ulliel (Tiffany)
Oh, baby, oh!! This guy is so Francais he looks like he was born with a cigarette in his mouth and his virginity spoken for by the 34 year old wife of France’s Prime Minister! Let’s hear about Tiffany’s pick for young Kingsley in her own words:
Susan: GAH. I can’t do better. Unless it’s:
HARRY STYLES! As I was reading, I really was picturing the 1D bad boy.
He’s already got the accent. Granted it’s the wrong kind, but how hard can it be? He also rocks leopard print, so you know frock coats wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. Tiffany said that her inspiration for Kingsley came from Johnny Depp and I think we can also see that here (minus the 10K scarves and bracelets that JD currently sports):
Katy: He looks like the love child of Boy George and Janis Joplin in this pic. I love that this post confirms, yet again,that Susan and I will never fight over a man.
Amy: He looks like TSwift rode him hard and put him away pale.
Susan: LOLZ! Not his best. He’s had a hard day posing.
Katy: I am picturing all of your 1D picks starring in the Sacred Heart High School spring performance of Original Sinners:The musical. I think there’s your next book, Tiffany. You’re welcome.
Susan: Coming soon to a theme park near you.
Johnny Depp (Tiffany)
Tiffany told us that her original inspiration for older Kingsley is Pirates of the Carribean- era Johnny Depp. Lean? Check. Olive-skinned? Check.Dreamy-eyed? Check. Looks great in Regency-era clothing? Check, check and check!!!
Susan: He used to be IT for me, but I think The Onion said it best:
So, what do you think of our dream cast? Have you ever seen so much man candy in one place? Those of you who haven’t read the Original Sinners series, see what you’re missing? A whole lotta hot guys who have kinky sexy times on the regular! Now that you’ve seen them, how can you resist? We’ve saved you the step of googling ‘Hot Tall Scandinavian Priests’ as you read. Start with The Siren and you won’t even have to wait for Kingsley’s story, because The King is OUT TODAY!
*JK. Only the smut.