You guys, Rob is alive! He didn’t go off and find a hole to die in after he kicked KStew to the curb (RIP Robsten is Unbroken). There is life after epic love and Rob is showing us we can all move on! I know we’re all inspired, guys BUT what’s more inspiring, is Rob is the new face of Dior fragrances and some of the print photos have been released. So what does that mean, well we broke it down UC and Moon style, duh. What else?
The One Where That Shit Is Trending!
Nikki: Ok, so I was checking Twitter at like, midnight last night and noticed #DiorRob was trending WORLDWIDE and I was like WTF is RON up to right now?
Bekah: It was TRENDING??? Ugh Twilight fans are the best/worst
Nikki: YOU KNOW RON (our typo-ed name for Rob that stuck) FANS. The craziest slash most devoted!
Bekah: It was probably like 30 people tweeting incessantly
Nikki: I wonder if there was a Krisbian ANTI #DiorRob tweet up? Like, #DiorRobSUCKS or #DiorRobisBroken #DiorKristen
Bekah: Are the Krisbians anti-Rob now? Who are they for ? Ellen Page (dun dun CHING)
Nikki: You got jokes! How about: #DiorJodieFoster #DiorBeard
HATERS RIGHT THIS WAY, I’ve been saving a comment seat for you…
The One Where We Figure Out What #DiorRob Is
Bekah: I miss TammyO. So I legit have no idea what you’re talking about. Is Rob the face of Dior…. cologne? women’s perfume? Clothing? Underwear? Are they starting a condom line?
Nikki: Apparently. Maybe Dior’s janitor clothing line? Fragrances for those who shower every other week and like the smell of warm trash?
Nikki: SOOOO Yes, I think like 10 years ago Dior decided to make Rob the new face of their fragrances or whatever they’re hocking. According to the twitters and Rob fans it’s been a long time and it’s FINALLY OUT.
Bekah: Good timing Dior.. AFTER the Twilight craze.
Nikki: Right, nothing like being AHEAD of the trends. #Fashion101
Nikki: SO of course since it was trending it was like the old Rob bat signal was shining in the sky (looks like: Oscar the Grouch in a trashcan with a baseball hat on backwards)
Bekah: You did what any normal person would do. You went to Robsessed. to find out what was going on
Nikki: DUH! THAT’S NORMAL. Robsessed is my only RON news outlet. And they didn’t disappoint, I can tell you that. Even at midnight last night when all they had were tweets and some shitty twitpics from people at the #DiorRob press event they were still posting like mad women ANYTHING they could get their hands on. You gotta respect that!
Bekah: omg there was a press event? was Rob THERE? Hope they paid those Robsessed bitches overtime! (i say bitches in the lovingest way)
Nikki: Honest to god for like 3 seconds I thought it was Kristen. It was like the Dior people were closeted Robstener’s and didn’t know what to do with the pics when they broke up a month ago.
Bekah: OMG hahhaha i can see why.. looks like her from that one time when I went to Los Feliz (you were sleeping still) early in the am with my telescopic lens and peered through their windows. I saw THAT
Nikki: The palatial pad WAS grand, wasn’t it?? Camelot if you will.
Bekah: Yes. The pool was so nice. So was Kristen’s weed. (so I hear)
Nikki: then there was this shotty pic from the party last night too:
Nikki: He has a FIVE or SIX head instead of a FOREHEAD but hey, we’ll take it, right?
Bekah: WTF?? is he ANOREXIC?? have I been looking at Theo James too much? What is that definition on his face. Too much. Rob needs to hit In N Out. I’m worried. Think he’s depressed? Is this like Dick Pattinson 2011 all over again? When we were worried for his health (#thatsnormal)
Nikki: RIGHT?! I feel like he SO moved on and was VERY public about it. I mean the busted pick up truck picking up his OWN shit in trashbags in broad daylight. Nothing says “you’re dead to me, bitch” like packing it up in hefty bags, taking both dogs and all in front of the paps. BUUUUT if he’s still depressed I can take him for a cheese burgAH or 8. I’m a giving kind of person.
Bekah: so kind of you
The One Where Rob’s On Instagram
I guess these are what we can expect from the REAL pics. they’ve only released like 2 i think.
Bekah: He looks so sad in that one too. and also a litle bit like The Gos walking on the beach— not sure why I think that! And do we know WHO took these? B/c that person should get a gold star. Anddddd maybe a life
Nikki: IF YOU’RE A BIRD I’M A BIRD!!!! ROB! maybe it’s a homage to the Notebook?! Maybe Dior is like a HUGE Nick Sparks fan?
Nikki: So I guess there’s some fragrance ad video and “face to face” interview coming out in the next day or so but these are previews.
Bekah: you know so much. Not “too much” like from a movie I once saw, but SO much. How many hours did you spend scrutinizing these pictures and reading the tweets. I’m gonna be honest it seems like a lot of hours. should I be worried? What if Aaron Tveit finds out?
Nikki: It’s true. You know how I told you I was busy ALL day today doing important stuff? It was just me reading ALL the #DiorRob tweets and pouring over ALL the Robsessed posts. There’s SO MUCH TO KNOW GUIYS!
Bekah: That’s Normal
Nikki: Actual time spent: 10 minutes-ish. Robsessed tells me everything. Also, Aaron baby, you pulled a Rob circa 2009 and shaved your head and made me remember the realRob, so this is all your fault. ‘
Bekah: are there any GOOD shots to see?
Nikki: Ok, so go here for the preview and to see Rob on the top of some unsuspecting beach house owners roof:
Bekah: is this the actual campaign?? or is this your instagram account from the weekend? i can’t tell…
Nikki: You caught me, that’s defs the “Willow” filter. Rob loves when we have Instagram photo walks. You should see his entries for #WeeklyFluff of Bear and Bernie. THEEEE cutest.
Bekah: He totally does #FollowforFollows and tags #onedirection for ultimate LOLs (so #blessed!)
and this is the campaign song:
Bekah: Looks like he’s in parachute pants in the 2nd pic
Nikki: Please Robert, don’t hurt ‘em
The One With Grown Ass Rob
Nikki: Ok, lets look at the ONLY two pics they’ve released:
Bekah: Wow! Grown up Rob.
Are you dying? That beard? you are SOO into bearded Rob. I like it. Definitely not the Rob of my youth (of my 20s. like .. last week. RIP TWENTIES) but older, more mature. No mas ROBSTEN. Ready to mingle. meet some older women. like us. Maybe buy a grown up car. And wash his clothes. I like it.
Nikki: it’s SOOOO bearded Rob! And you know I’m a fan. And I’m in the same boat as you, I think this is like ushering in the “welcome to adult rob” phase. No bratty girlfriend, I’m a man now, I have two dogs, I work, I’m not into being gross anymore look. Good job, Nick Frenkel and Stephenie Ritz for holding this till AFTER Robsten was broken.
Bekah: I didn’t think I’d be into something like that. But it’s time. I’ve moved on from baby face, sex hair, suck-in cheeks Rob. I’m into this “I want to be Ben Affleck some day and win an Oscar” Rob. Because that’s TOTALLY the vibe I’m getting.
i’m excited. Bring on pic #2
Nikki: He kinda looks like sad, broken Rob in that one but I can’t wait to see the rest of this shoot aka the beach house and the instagram filters.
Bekah: Wow he’s skinny. Like all neck. Yeah this one isn’t my favorite, but you’re right. This is going to be a nice shoot/video .
Nikki: “All neck” that’s like nothing any dude wants to be described as. He needs that burger run and a night of wings and beer. Then I’ll cook him all that organic shit in my garden. Cause again, I care. Also, he needs the hair. I think it balances out the skinny-ness of the rest of his body.
Bekah: His eyes look sad. OMG let’s compare the two sad Robs
Nikki: MY FAVE ROB!!!!! SAD (BEARDED) ROB!! AWWWWW
Bekah: that gq photoshoot was perfection
Nikki: Honestly (I’m feeling very honest in this break down), I don’t know if anyone could ever top that first GQ Rob. The pinnacle was reached then and no one has summited it since.
Bekah: I know. I’d like to see someone try.
He looks super… BRITISH in this photoshoot… is that a weird thing to say?
Nikki: yea, my conclusion still stands, he needs the big hair for the balance. it’s like wearing a voluminous blouse on top if you don’t have boobs or have big hips. you gotta balance. And YES, super British. Like, very stalwart, this guy’s good in a crisis.
Grow your hair back, Rob???
Ok, so thoughts? Were you following #DiorRob? Or is it Dior Robert Pattinson for you? Did you help it trend?