Currently obsessed with watching bad tv, having abrasive political opinions, always being right and getting the biggest laugh. She has a husband, 3 kids and a dog. You can probably find an accurate portrayal of her family by Googling “stereotypical white middle class family.” Follow her on Twitter @HeidiRochelle
She watches so you don’t have to!
1. Another 3 hours of Bachelor in Paradise is about to begin.
2. I can’t believe it has already been 4 weeks.
3. Why didn’t the last 4 weeks of pregnancy with any of my babies ever go this quickly?
4. Speaking of babies, we are two minutes in and Ashley is already harmonizing her sobs with ominous music.
5. It really is Paradise.
Is paradise really a Mexican resort where underfed but over-imbibed twenty somethings get paid to humiliate themselves on national television? Probably.
This week we dive further into the hot tub of shame that is Bachelor in Paradise as more desperate singles join the cast and the first rose ceremony happens. Who will be sent home? Who will break-up? Who will hook-up? How long will it take me to question my intelligence for watching this?
If you’ve never seen Bachelor in Paradise, prepare yourself for a train wreck. We mean that in the best possible way.
Okay, so we all know I’m a snark monster 99% of the time I’m watching this show, but when the end comes and the bachelor gets down on one knee, I fall for it every single time. I blame Disney.
You know those random Tuesday nights when you find yourself google stalking your old high school boyfriend? You’ve moved on, he doesn’t appeal to you anymore, but you still need to assure yourself that you’re doing better than he is. That’s The Bachelorette’s Men Tell All special. For some reason we want to know what these guys are up to, even though there is no doubt that they’ll be a disappointment.
Monday evenings in my house are pretty predictable. First, my husband and I trick our kids into an early bedtime by saying it’s only still light outside if their eyes are open. Then, we settle in for a nice evening of eating processed snacks and judging the life choices of beautiful twenty-somethings on The Bachelorette. We’re living the dream.
Most weeks on The Bachelorette, we’d happily trade places with JoJo for a few minutes in a randomly located hot tub or spooning with an Argentinian horse. Not this week. we’d rather count how many mini-Marines can fit in a single pair of gaucho pants than switch places with her during the hometown dates.
JoJo is The Bachelorette. She has six boyfriends. JoJo takes all of her boyfriends to the Argentinian countryside to accost horses. Two of her boyfriends look and act nothing like the rest. How many boyfriends does JoJo have at the end of their trip? Four. Four boyfriends.