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My kids wanted to listen to The Borrowers on a road trip recently, but when I went to download it I instead discovered this gem.
Reader, I laughed. A lot.
Now, I am just a sick as you are of things women like being mocked for being frivolous, while pop culture designed for men somehow merits serious discussion. Romance sells like hotcakes and pays the bills for oodles of female writers and artists and everybody’s entitled to escape to whatever bookish fantasy makes them happy. Seriously: the world is scary and miserable; read something that makes you feel good.
But, you guys. I’ve had babies. And my husband never looks hotter than he does holding them. But this stubbly dude’s tux is about to be covered with either poop or spit up. And the breeze ruffling those curtains is about to blow sand in baby’s eyes and make her inconsolable.
So obviously I checked the reviews on Goodreads. It gets a 3.7… which is better than Judy Blume’s latest lauded title and Goodreads reviews are totally objective and about literary quality, so why have I not heard about this tome before??? (For the record, I’d argue that In The Unfortunate Event‘s reviews are driven down by people scarred for life by reading it on a plane. Seriously. Don’t buy that one in the airport gift shop.)
Better yet, I then discovered that this is #19 in the “Billionaires and Babies” series. There are EIGHTY-FOUR books in this series. (84! Imagine the glory of 84 books in your favorite series! Oh wait, that’s what fanfic is for.) My second favorite cover is this one:
…Or maybe this one
The best part is that almost all the titles are alliterative, for maximum silliness. Alliteration is good for many things: rap lyrics, titles of children’s programs, marketing slogans… and making me laugh hysterically when deployed with seriousness. Baby Bonanza? Hilariously unromantic. The Paternity Proposition? I can’t stop giggling. I keep trying to come up with my own copycats to elaborate on the silliness, but I scroll down the list and they’re all already taken. Perhaps the best one is outside this series (and not alliterative), though:
The synopsis is epic, but my library doesn’t have it. Will someone please read it and report back?
When the laughing tears finally stopped I needed to share with Facebook, of course. My friends came through with their own favorite covers.
These two gave me giggles:
But this one stopped me dead in my tracks.
This cover is hilarious in a “The movie could only star Farrah Fawcett” way… but the synopsis makes The Virgin Cowboy Billionaires Secret Baby look like color-by-number. Y’all, I may not want to read 84 romances about billionaires and babies, but I can imagine a life where a person would want to. There are a LOT of people who’d like to have both a billionaire and a baby in their life. But being kidnapped and ravished by a pterodactyl? Or any of the other “fantasies” in the extensive Dinosaur Erotica genre (!)… you guys, I’m at a loss as to whose fantasy this is fulfilling. And I was an R.A. in a dorm at a public university. There’s very little I can’t imagine happening.