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Let’s get right to it. This is a read-along of Ivanka Trump’s book, Women Who Work: Rewriting the Rules of Success
fully Fucking Up America.
Why am I doing this? Not sure, but when my therapist, Joan, and I figure it out, I’ll let you know.
Check out Part 1 here, where I tackle the Preface, Introduction, and Chapter 1 (and the fonts). This week, I’m taking on Chapters 2 and 3. Let’s do this!
As you now know…
This is the how Ivanka starts Chapter 2. She assumes she taught me something in Chapter 1. She did not.
But to achieve the greatest impact as a leader means making sure you the fundamentals and acquire the skills to make your mark at your company and in your industry.
If I were her editor, I would have changed this sentence to “KNOW YOUR SHIT.”
By the right people, I mean know the difference between what’s appropriate to ask your peers and what you should be asking you boss; and don’t ask anything you can learn by doing your own research.
As I told you in Part 1, I’ve been a woman who works for more than twenty years. This is the worst piece of advice I have ever seen. I manage two people. (Let’s call them Ira and Ida, because those are the baby names I never got to use). I want Ida and Ira to come to me with questions—any questions—because I KNOW MY SHIT. If you work for someone who says, “I am not your Google,” you work for a fucking asshole.
Don’t ask something that can easily be found online.
No. Just…no. Don’t Wikipedia your your work, people. The best resource is not Reddit; it’s your colleagues.
…so I seek out creative, smart, inspiring people.
If Bob Ross, Bill Gates, and Barack Obama had a baby, I would hire her.
Most people love to talk about themselves and their experiences.
Your Dad sure does love to talk, doesn’t he? Especially to the Russians. About his experiences during the Daily Intelligence Briefing.
As a generation, we’ve stopped listening. We tend to rush to speak first or make our point without truly hearing what the other party has to say.
I’m Gen X; Ivanka is a Millennial. Millennials may have discovered Coachella but they did not discover mansplaining or how to be a self-involved dick. Ever had a business meeting with a man born in 1953? They are pretty adept at speaking first and not truly hearing. Millenials get a lot of flack for stuff, but don’t hang this one on their necks.
In a section called “Sharpen Your Listening Skills,” Ivanka gives some rules for being a better listener.
Heed the 20-second rule.
When you are talking, you get 20 seconds to talk. At 40 seconds, you should be thinking about not talking anymore. At 60 seconds, you need to shut the fuck up. So in addition to speaking, you need to be counting “one Mississippi, two Mississippi.” Food can be on the floor for no more than five seconds and females can talk no more than a minute.
For Productive meetings, Ivanka’s guidelines include “Invite the right people,” “Define the meeting’s purpose,” and “Choose the right medium.” Also:
KNOW YOUR ACRONYMS.
I wish Ivanka would STFU already. With her Dad as President, we are FUBAR. Everyday, 45 does something awful and I am SMDH, but IOKIYR. Also tell your Dad that FBI does not mean Female Body Inspector.
On public speaking…
Researchers trace the sweaty-palmed, heart-racing reactions we have to public speaking back to the primitive fight or flight response buried deep in our limbic brains; in our cave-dwelling days, a lone human, separate from the group, was a prime target for a predator.
Did this heifer just say PREDATOR?
When I was preparing to speak at the RNC, there were a few strategies I employed that will likely prove useful to anyone getting ready to deliver prepared remarks in front of a group, whether it’s forty people or forty million viewers.
Yes, when I give a speech, I visualize Trump ogling my tits once I’m done. It’s very helpful.
And only 34.9 million people watched you introduce your Dad at he RNC. What is it with you people and inflating numbers?
Ivanka also recommends that before a speech, you should “Check the news.”
Be aware before you speak of anything that might be relevant to your presentation.
I’m tempted to type in something about the latest scandal but I know that from the moment I submit this article to Bekah and Nikki, five new scandals will have emerged.
When you’re focused on simply finding or doing a job in order to make ends meet, the concept of satisfaction at work might the concept of satisfaction at work might seem irrelevant, even precious…
Please Ivanka, don’t do this. Don’t tell women that are working three jobs or just trying to keep the lights on to find passion in their work.
—but similar to passion, connecting with a career, a cause, and our colleagues is an essential component to success.
Dammit, woman! I told you not to do it!
“Authenticity [is] the new currency in business—it matters that much,” explains executive coach Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlin.
I thought Russian rubles were the new currency in business.
Now that you’re forging authentic relationships with your coworkers, how do you best connect with your boss?
By having half your DNA come from him?
I find the best way to broaden your network is to make genuine connections with people across all industries.
I just sent LinkedIn requests to people I don’t know but who work in aerospace, private banking, and gun manufacturing. Fingers crossed!
Another incredible source of contacts is what Grant calls “dormant ties,” comprised of the people you used to know, from your childhood, college or earlier jobs.
So the target audience of this books is women who work AND sell Rodin + Fields. No one wants your LuLaRoe leggings, Ivanka!
When building your network, Ivanka advises:
Take it slow: You wouldn’t ask a guy to be your boyfriend on the first date.
Weinberg suggest building relationships with executives at your company by doing such things as…joining the company running group.
I’m a Boston Marathon qualifier. I’m fast as fuck. I’m not jogging with Tommy from Accounting. Plus, I reek when I run; my funk is not be career building.
Critiscim may be hard to hear, but in the end, it will make you better. Be confident enough to ask questions.
First, Ivanka, this may be hard to hear, but you should stop “writing books.” You are not good at it. And second, don’t be confident and don’t ask me questions. I am not your google!
This chapter teaches you how “maximize your influence at work.” Be a career Maxxinista! Be an influencer! That’s based on Instagram followers likes, right??
Early in our country’s history, as new territories were acquired or opened,—particularly during the gold rush—a citizen could literally put a stake in the ground and call the land theirs.
Read that sentence again, everyone. I’ll wait.
Are you fucking kidding me, Ivanka? This is aspirational? Manifest Destiny? The gold rush? Westward expansion, removing Natives Americans from their land, and then stealing that land is something you endorse? Native American genocide is your career advice? Why don’t you tell us how you masturbate to twenty dollar bills because they has Andrew Jackson’s face on it?!
Since my parents had instilled such a solid work ethic in my brothers and me…
I soon figured out that you can’t be an expert at everything.
Who knew? Who could have known it would be so hard?
President Trump: "Nobody knew health care could be so complicated"
— CNN (@CNN) February 28, 2017
To engender loyalty and goodwill, your team needs to feel like you really care about them, and they won’t unless you actually do.
So if Donald had just cared more, Comey would have pledged loyalty at that dinner meeting.
Also, I’m 80 pages into the book, and I still have zero idea what Ivanka actually does for a living.
With that said, if you aren’t naturally a nice person, it doesn’t work to fake it. In my view, there are plenty of brilliant leaders, like Steve Jobs, who weren’t known to be particualry warm but were incredibly effective…
So if I’m naturally a bitch, I should just be a bitch at the office. I’m sure that excuse will work fine when I’m called into HR. Does Ivanka know that when her underlings say “See you next Tuesday,” they don’t really want to see her next Tuesday?
This is one of the many mixed messages I get from Ivanka. Am I trying to engender loyalty by caring or am I trying to be effective by being a raging cow?
At Ivanka Trump, my team and I are striving to create the lives we want to live?
Are striving to create? Just say “creating!” Does the editor hate Ivanka or does she suck at her job.
So how do you build a world-class team? First, you have to find the right people.
Ask a candidate about your candidate’s life outside the office. It’s a window into who she is as a person. When you ask about interests, hobbies, and passions that aren’t work related, you can see what lights her up.
Please don’t ask me in a job interview what passions light me up in a non-work related environment. Unless you want to hear about Thunder Down Under, Sean Spicer finally ratting you people out, MMF romance, and Rafael Nadal’s permanent wedgie.
Pages 86-89, someone else wrote. And if the Trump family history is any guide, Ivanka stiffed this person when it came time for payment.
If she’s creative, I might promote her to our marketing team.
Or to be the Chief Executive of FONTS.
I remember the first time I approached a boss for an increase in pay…
DADDY! I want a raise!
What is the right time to ask for a raise?
Ask during a quite, unexpected time…
“Even if you decided not to negotiate your financial package, you may want to negotiate other things, like health insurance and references for your next job,” she explains.
Health insurance is key. I’m glad this administration is looking out for us.
My father is renowned for his negotiating skills, so I’ve been fortunate to learn for the very best.
You guys. America is so screwed.
If the negotiation doesn’t warrant an in-person meeting, it’s always best to do things by phone.
No. Do not call me. I hate being called. I will not pick up.
A recruiter can also be a valuable advocate in breaking through the glass ceiling, which unfortunately, still exists.
I’m revoking the privileges of anyone in the Trump family or Trump adjacent from using the words “glass ceiling.” Same for the Bernie Bros. Y’all can’t use it, either.
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