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I‘m embarrassingly bad with accents. In fact, sometimes my husband will turn on English Premiere League soccer just to laugh at me trying to discern what the announcers are saying. I’m not proud to admit that anyone west of the Rockies sounds like Brad Pitt’s character in Snatch to me. That being said, between Nick’s Midwestern mumble and Raven’s Southern drawl, I’ve resorted to watching this season of The Bachelor with closed captions on. That means I spent many awkward moments during this week’s continuation of the fantasy dates in Finland reading the word “smooching” written in block letters across the foreheads of Nick and his remaining love interests. Your prayers are appreciated.
Here are the top moment’s from the rest of The Bachelor’s fantasy dates in Finland with my gif reactions.
At the end of last week’s episode, Raven was anxiously anticipating her time off-camera with Nick in the fantasy suite. I could have lived my entire life without knowing that she has never had an orgasm, but this is The Bachelor so, no such luck. This week opened with a grinning Raven saying, “Nick is pretty good at what he does so I’m pretty satisfied today.” Then she skipped, hopped, petted dogs, high-fived strangers, and ran through the snow in a montage celebrating her sexual awakening. Hey girl, if you’re going to sleep with someone on national television you may as well enjoy it.
Nick has left one satisfied customer behind so he’s on to his date with Rachel. Thanks to The Bachelor being trigger happy, we already know (spoiler alert) that Rachel is the next Bachelorette. So for me, their date cross-country skiing, feeding reindeer and awkwardly reclining on a sled ride was tainted with the knowledge that they don’t end up together. That made Rachel’s shy admittance that she’s falling in love with Nick, and his reciprocation of her feelings, painful to watch. But nothing was more painful than Nick’s joke that “I might be white, but I’m still a minority” when Rachel called him rare and refreshing.
Rachel enthusiastically accepted the key to the fantasy suite so we saw them kissing the next morning while Nick cooked her an egg breakfast. They are adorable together, and honestly Nick seemed pretty into her, but even if I didn’t know the spoiler I would have known they wouldn’t make it. Why? Because Rachel was wearing a fluffy penguin onesie the morning after their first night together. Rookie Move.
I swear Vanessa gets prettier as this season goes on. Usually the women’s hair color has started to grow out, their spray tan has faded and they’re scraping the bottom of their suitcase, but not Vanessa. Vanessa wears cold weather gear like a Canadian princess and even managed to make the one-size-fits-all bathing suit look good when Nick took her to ice bathing. Luckily he wore matching blue briefs. Let’s just say I think they’ll enjoy couples waxing appointments if they end up together. They raced together between a freezing outdoor watering hole and an indoor sauna in one of the most hilarious dates this season. Then they had a pretty serious conversation about their core values and the concerns Nick has about her traditional family. Of course, it’s still The Bachelor so their conversation took place in a hot tub.
Nick and Vanessa’s relationship is different than the relationships he has with Raven and Rachel. With the other two women he tends to ask questions about feelings and emotions, but with Vanessa he asks harder questions about what their future would look like. My personal interpretation is that he is confident in their feelings for one another, but is now starting to think about proposing. Despite the difficult questions they are facing, Vanessa accepted the fantasy suite key and told Nick that she is in love with him. They kissed with the most obvious affection for one another and guys, I think I’m falling for this stupid show again. Ugh, how do you do this to me every time, Bachelor?
This week’s rose ceremony would determine the final two women of the season. Nick was emotional as he began offering the roses. The first rose went to Raven, the second rose went to Vanessa and just like that Rachel was left empty-handed and brokenhearted. I must be ovulating or something because even I fell for Nick’s heartfelt admiration of Rachel. He greatly admires her and he should, because she was the epitome of grace under fire. Rachel, I can’t wait to write all about you and your horrible choices as the Bachelorette this May.
We did it! There is only one episode left of The Bachelor this season. Next Monday we’ll find out if Nick chooses Vanessa or Raven on the season finale and I can’t wait! Watch these scenes from next week, read my recap of the Women Tell All special that also aired this week and get excited with me.
I picked Vanessa to win the whole thing in our fantasy league weeks ago so I’m sticking with my gut instincts. I adore her. She is strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent, and she keeps Nick on his toes. I hope she takes him for everything he’s worth and then runs back across the border with an ice hockey player or maple leaf collector or something Canadian like that.
Who do you think Nick is going to choose next week? Do you think he will propose? Make sure to check out our recap of the Women Tell All special this afternoon!