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** MILD Spoilers ahead **
Remember this Tweet from me last week?
— Nikki Pierce (@itshowtimenikki) February 23, 2017
Yes, this is my boyfriend trolling me about my admiration for Tom Hiddleston and how I was interested in seeing Kong: Skull Island but couldn’t name ten things about that movie that weren’t related to him. Well men, never try to outwit a lady who has “connections” (just go with it) because as it turns out Warner Brothers invited us to an early screening of Kong. CHECK.MATE buddy!
This means TOM is perpetually sweaty the entire movie. You’re welcome ladies.
This means you get to watch Tom while amazing music is playing in the background. It’s like watching a professional Fan video from YouTube in a theater.
(the comments on the videos with the Vietnam footage are sad.com)
Of course, I LOVE late 60s, early 70s rock, protest music and Kong does NOT disappoint in any way on this point. From Jefferson Airplane to Ozzy and Creedence Clearwater Revivial and Bowie, the music supervisors created an amazing backdrop and a reminder of what the end of the Vietnam War looked and (almost as important), sounded like.
This means Tom is good with a stick… enough to take out two men at the same time and land the shot. Eight ball, corner pocket.
But Tom does not partake. We determined that it pretty much doesn’t matter what decade, what time, what character, Tom is gonna show up in the tshirt, jeans and same awesome hair as yesterday.
This means Tom gets to share screen time with John who plays a MIA World War 2 vet they discover on Skull Island who ends up being the savior of the entire movie. And doofy as hell.
This means Tom’s muscles are straining underneath his ubiquitous tight tshirt. Add in the cute, boys from the Army and you’ve got a real meaty think-piece of a movie!
At one point Tom (I honestly can’t remember his character’s name) yells for John to throw him his sword, he dons a gas mask and runs, slow-mo with the sword. This means Tom is good with a sword. Ahem.
You know the popular Arthur meme:
Well, Kong: Skull Island has the Arthur hand shots in spades. I don’t know if they’re trolling us and part of the kitsch of the movie but it made me laugh several times and yes, that means you see Tom’s hand in a fist.
This means Tom does a little mild cursing which is always enjoyable… YOU BASTARD! Ok, ok Tom settle… settle…
After all Brie is all of us (as seen in the Comic Con pic I took last year)… enjoy a film that hires an Oscar winner to have approximately 10 lines in the movie, rock amazing 70s Farrah Fawcett but less awful hair and just BE around Tom Hiddleston. If those are the prerequisites, I could have been in Kong… ya know minus the Oscar.
— That’s Normal (@Thats_Normal) July 23, 2016
PS I would totally approve of a Tom/Brie ship… No “I Heart BL” shirts tho…
All in all, Kong: Skull Island is not Citizen Kane by any means, it definitely has some laughable (in not a good way) moments but it’s also highly enjoyable. The music is top notch, the talent is good and funny and the CGI is AHMAZING. ANNNNDDDD if you make it through the LONG ASS credits you’re rewarded with a little glimpse at the obvious next monster movie in the WB universe: Kong vs Godzilla or Kong teaming up with Godzilla… and Mothra… and a pterodactyl and something else… they’re coming!
See Kong: Skull Island in theaters this weekend, 3/10/17
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