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We’re well into 2017 and all the fashion trends for the year are starting to become glaringly apparent. Thanks to the daily onslaught in my email of newsletters from Urban and Nordstrom and Madewell and Dune and WWW and the like, I get to see what fashion retailers are pushing on us hard and usually I rage… ok, like pretty much every time I open one, I rage. Here are the 2017 Fashion Trends that make me want to scream.
I opened up my trusty Urban Outfitter newsletter this week and saw this treasure… the AOL Shirt (with LACE BIKE SHORTS!). YES, they America Online shirt, modeled by a girl who is obviously too young to even remember America Online and how we hoarded the CD-Rom’s with free hours and waited for the magic dial-up sound so we could chat on AIM with our crushes. Of course I clicked on it because my rage was blinding me and this beauty was in the “you might also like” section:
Yup, for all of us who remember File Sharing before JT played the co-founder in Social Network the movie… and before Bit Torrent and being sued was a thing… there’s this Napster shirt. There’s even a Tom from MySpace tshirt if you really want to feel old. Maybe it’s time for me to unsubscribe from the Urban email newsletter list…
The other day my boyfriend showed me a feature in EW that highlighted models and celebs wearing band tshirts calling it “fashionable” and I had to laugh… goes Gigi Hadid really know the music of AC/DC? I can almost guarantee you that Kendall Jenner couldn’t name more than one Slayer song. There should be a prompt at cash registers across America that make the customer answer a few simple questions about the band shirt they’re buying… 1. Name 5 songs and 2 albums by this band. 2. Who is the lead singer? 3. Who is the drummer? 4. Are you paying more than $200 for this at a vintage store? Please put this item back now, Miss.
A holdover from 2016, but I think chokers have finally hit mass market. One of these beauties ended up in my stocking at Christmas, clearly Santa and my Sister-in-Law have a sense of humor or I need to try that thing on my short neck. If that one doesn’t work all I need to do is hit up the local Forever 21 and choose from the FOUR racks of chokers they had on display when I visited this week. FOUR.RACKS. More than even sunglasses and those serve an actual purpose. I can only imagine what pictures from this year’s Coachella will look like…
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good pair of leggings and don’t mind seeing/wearing them IRL if they’re done right but they should not be the beginning AND the end of your wardrobe. God invented denim because he loves us and actual pants… and skirts and trousers. WEAR THEM. A few pairs of “fun” leggings are a great addition to a wardrobe (especially for all those Cons we go to) but please don’t purchase a truck load of “unicorn” leggings with Woodland creature prints or vintage TV’s at your friend’s next LulaRoe live sale on Facebook.
Source – This girl knows what’s up!
Last night at Antropologie a friend lamented she was too short to wear jumpsuits and that I must love wearing them because I’m 5’8. Oh not so fast friend! I let her in on the secret… she’s too short to wear them but me at 5’8 am too long in the torso and sometimes leg to wear them unless cameltoe became chic overnight. So who is making these mass market one pieces and who are they designing them for? If I was between 5’5.5 and 5’6.5, I would be buying those things in a heartbeat. Good job standardized sizing…
You bought a sweater with the shoulders cut out… you moron. I just don’t get this look from both a practical or a fashion standpoint. I’ve seen the cold shoulder look before on a variety of flimsy shirts and dresses but adding it to a sweater is another level.
Yesterday, Nordstrom sent an email titled “Four Shoes You Need Now” so of course I totally need to buy four pairs of shoes RIGHT.NOW. so what are they? Two I can agree on, block heels and slip-on sneakers, sure I own these, the other two though… the slide sandal and the backless loafer. HELLO 1990s are calling, they’re wondering if we want foam wedge flip flop sandals while we’re at it. NO.
Just say no to loafer slides and chokers!