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One of my favorite categories here on That’s Normal is something called “That’s Not A Thing” which is mostly just a place where I bitch about something that’s popular or part of the cultural lexicon that SHOULD NOT BE. Whether it’s just NOT A THING or has been given more air time than it deserves, 2015 was no different. Without further adieu here’s my list of 2015’s Most Played Out Trends and Stories.
You were a fun cultural touchstone for about two weeks wherein news channels would run stories on “lumbersexuals” and men who had grown their hair out long and were wearing it in a bun on their heads. And trust me, it was hot for a minute but most men cannot do this look (sorry Sam Heughan) and should leave this one to the Instagram male models.
If I EVER see another news item about Kendall or the other one with the fake lips (who’s NOT EVEN OLDER THAN 18!), Kylie again it will be too soon. I don’t care what they’re wearing, who’s they’re with, how much they wanted to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel as a kid (WTF?!) or which legal aged man is preying on them under the public’s consenting eye. We don’t care about your fashion shoots, your lip injections, your make up tips or your friends. STOP.
I’m sorry Swift, you make interesting music that EVERY pop radio station can’t stop listening to plus it prompted one of my favorite musicians, Ryan Adams, to record a 1989 cover album which, let’s be honest was probably better than the original. But you have been EVERYWHERE for more than just 2015 and it’s time for you to take a break. No more pics with Calvin Harris, no more pics of those cats, no more pics of you and that girl gang of models that looks like my eyes would roll out of my head if I ever spent time with.
Just because moms drunk on white wine forget they pre-ordered Adele’s new album till it downloaded itself months later does NOT equal the return of people buying music. Adele is a goddess with generational cross over appeal that ranges from adult contemporary stations to pop and back again. Because people like my mom buy her album along with me and all my friends, is the reason her album is a hit. Her massive albums sales cannot be equated to bringing back people buying music. There is so much more at play here. Please stop posting these articles.
As a child who was born in the 80’s and most formative years were spent in the 90’s wearing the jelly shoes and listening to X and trying on baby doll dresses, I have to say the 90’s were a decently great decade. Some amazing music, fashion and people came from the 90’s BUT the recent resurgence EVERYWHERE of all things 90’s simply has to stop in 2016. If I go into one more clothing store and see platform sandals or crushed velvet midriff tops or the 93490349034th tribute to Nirvana, my brain will explode. Let Jordan Catalano and our XX live and die in our collective consciousness in the decade they were born in. STOP trying to make us relive it and spend money on it all over again.
Hover boards officially jumped the shark when a Filipino priest was suspended for riding a hoverboard and singing during Christmas Eve midnight mass. Not to mention the packs of junior high kids who ride these around like a sad, sedentary gang of the suburbs. Oh and did I mention these are not really hoverboards and this is not back to the future and you are not Marty McFly.
Sometime during the middle of 2015, purveyor of cheap but decent Mexican food decided they were going to be the grinch of fast casual Mexican food and starting charging an additional 3.50 for something they used to do (happily) for free!!! So what’s this magical item they’re now charging almost half the cost of a burrito for? A quesarito is a so-called “secret menu” item, where they melt the (free) cheese on the tortilla. Yea. That’s it. So in essence chipotle is charging it’s customer an additional 3 dollars and 50 damn cents to melt cheese. I’m in the wrong business.
I’m borrowing this from a friend but I feel like he would approve. The media and your aunt from the Midwest have so overused these words that they literally mean nothing and everything at the same time. Millennial has become the media’s trope for people graduating college through their thirties who use technology, live at home, don’t live at home but are having trouble paying rent, are having trouble paying their college loans, have moved to the big city, are less inclined to vote/serve/care/marry young/have kids young/do anything and I’m over it. Find another generation to talk about. As far as the word hipster goes I want to punch everyone who describes anything in a plaid shirt and glasses as a hipster. It’s not a thing.
So goodbye tonight to 2015 and hello to the new bitch in town, 2016! Let’s raise a glass and hope we never see or hear from any of the above 2015 trends again! YAAAAYY!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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