I was a Tom Cruise fan.
There . . . I said it.
My name is Kendra and until I was old enough to know better, I was in lust with Tom Cruise. Big time. I used to sign off my notes passed to girlfriends in class with ILTC. Yup, that’s I Love Tom Cruise. Judge away.
Some of my world-famous Tom Cruise Fan Art
I bring this up now because of the awesome wonder of the HBO documentary, ‘Going Clear’ and how it showcases the giant ball of crazy that has become Cruise’s everyday existence. That leaked Scientology promotional video with him rambling on like a sociopath and grinning his terrifying grin brought home the full level of world destroying truth for my childhood memories.
I remember the first moments that world started to crack for me. When he and Nicole Kidman divorced, I started to understand that perhaps not all was as it seemed. I found myself siding with Nic on this (I could call her Nic because Tom did and since he was my everything, that was my pass). It was when he fired his publicist and hired his sister (also a Scientologist) that the full flood of insanity started to pour out. I guess Pat Kingsley, after building him into the most bankable and mysterious movie star in the whole history of Hollywood, turned out to be a suppressive person.
Bad move. Within a month he was jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch and proclaiming his undying love for Katie Holmes. I was married to my first husband at the time and remember telling him when they announced their engagement that it was all a publicity stunt and that it couldn’t possibly be serious because COME ON!
Turns out, their marriage outlasted mine, but when that fortress cracked, BOY did we witness a nightmare! Katie Holmes fleeing to New York and filing in secret to keep Suri out of the evil clutches of the Church of Scientology was everything I feared it would be, just delayed by contractual obligation and the seething, overbearing smile of doom.
When she finally got out, I summed it up this way:
Katie Holmes was not all that unlike myself. She was very open about her Tom Cruise childhood crush and how she always knew she wanted to marry him. Flash forward 26 years (just one year shy of my age at the time) and she was finally getting her wish.
Wish fulfillment is a funny thing. It’s not always what you wanted, once you’ve finally grasped it.
When I was in middle school, the one thing I wanted, more than anything in the world, was a pair of Z Cavaricci pants.
For the “kids” out there, I’ll educate you. These babies were the actual shit. They were high-waisted pants, ballooning at the thighs before tapering at the knees to slim fitting ankles. They were also, for my lower-middle class family, way too expensive. Who wouldn’t want to pay $80 for a pair of pants designed to give you saddle-bags? I begged my mother for them and finally, after tears and pleading and the wearing of sackcloth and ashes, my mom finally came through for me. While out shopping, she managed to find a pair of magnificent white Z Cavaricci pants on the clearance rack for 50% off.
Finally, I could hold my head up high in the cafeteria, strutting with my tray to my table of fellow outcasts in high faux-Italian style!
There was just one problem . . .
No one else was wearing Z Cavariccis. Not a single soul. Suddenly it dawned on me why my beautiful pants had been on the clearance rack.
No one wanted them anymore.
My dreams were dashed and I was devastated. I walked home in shame.
All those years later, when I heard Katie talking about her childhood dreams of snagging Maverick and then witnessing the reality of the situation . . . the couch jumping, the Body Thetans, the rumored “girlfriend auditions” what I sadly realized is that poor Katie had just gotten herself a pair of half priced Z Cavariccis.
Oh, girl . . . I’ve been there. But Katie and I, we’ve both come out stronger. She now has a beautiful daughter and a permanent tap on her phone, and I realized that Cavariccis were ugly to begin with.
We all have them, is what I’m saying . . . those silly childhood fantasy worlds which at some point in growing up, shatter around us. We may look back in horror at our naiveté, however we would not be who we have become without them.
What fantasies have YOU grown out of?
