Black Licorice Is the Scariest Thing About Halloween

If you’re prone to nightmares I’m going to give you fair warning to turn back now. I know that Halloween is a spooky time, but I don’t want to be responsible for severe emotional distress. There are so many lighthearted, fun posts here on That’s Normal that will occupy your mind and time quite nicely. But for those of you who are feeling brave enough to remain, I apologize for doing so, but I must warn you about the dangers of the worst possible thing that can befall you this All Hallows’ Eve.

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This stuff. This disgusting stuff. Black licorice. If pure evil had a flavor, this would surely be it. I know it’s so divisive, and people either seem to absolutely love it or hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. If it wasn’t already clear: I am firmly in the hate camp. (#TeamBlackLicoriceIsTheActualWorst)

Every Halloween when my sister and I were young we went to trick or treat from a neighbor a few doors down, and on the plus side she was such a sweet old lady and always made a big deal about our costumes. On the not so plus side, all she gave out were Good & Plenty. Every single year, without fail. I can’t even think about what it smells like without feeling sick.

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One of my most deep-seeded fears once came true, when I confused a piece of black licorice for dark chocolate and popped that thing right in my mouth. I cannot fully express to you all the absolute horror that overcame me. What terrible thing had I done in my life to deserve this kind of punishment?! There were tears and gagging and spitting into garbage cans and gargling to get that nasty taste out of my mouth and out of my mind forever. That instance still haunts me to this day. It plays in my mind like a sepia tone war flashback. I don’t even know what it is about that black licorice flavor that makes it so objectionable to me. Out of curiosity, and because I’m all about fair and balanced research, I did some digging and found the actual chemical formula for this crap:

Heaps of Literal Trash + Satanic Demonry = Black Licorice

There you have it, it’s right there written out in Science for you. Just as a helpful FYI for those of you with no taste buds who choose to subject yourself to this poison, black licorice was recently recalled for containing lead and a warning went out that eating too much could cause bad things to happen to your heart. That abysmal taste is a warning everyone. HEED THAT WARNING. There are so many fun things about Halloween, and this hellacious nightmare masquerading as candy is most certainly not one of them.

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What’s your least favorite thing about that Halloween season? I know I can’t be the only one who hates black licorice, but is there anything that you hate more?

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