Can we talk about this, cause I feel like I need to confess that I shame watch Bar Rescue and yet I love it. I can no longer blame it on binge watching a few episodes last Christmas with my family, I’ve DVR-ed this show myself through ALL three seasons and it’s time to confess.
So, what’s Bar Rescue? I’m glad you asked, Bar Rescue is a show on SPIKE TV (yes, Spike, as in the channel aimed at men 18-35) that features bar consultant Jon Taffer and a team of chefs, mixologists and other nightlife “experts.” They go into failing bars to help rescue the business and even in some (most) cases help reinvent it. So essentially it’s Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares or Tabitha’s Salon Takeover but for bars and without the accents. And it’s awesome. And it’s also terrible.
Let’s break it down… why as a well heeled 30ish female do I find myself DVR-ing EVERY episode of a screaming 50something man in bars in the middle of no where? I’ll tell you…
Jon Taffer
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The guy’s your typical, fast talking, east coast, carnie type who’s kind of a jerk. He likes terrible liquor (think: flavored vodkas), half the names he and the team come up with for the rebranded bars are HIDEOUS (ie: Swanky Bubbles, Corporate Bar) and filled with bacon flavored everything, they even re-named a bar: The Bacon Bar. It’s 2014 guys, time to come up with a new “trend.” But love Bar Rescue, I do!
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Jon yells a lot and if you know me, you know I hate that kinda stuff, over the top shouting, general jack ass-ery but there’s something about this show that’s just so watchable. Watch him lose his shit over some chicken:
This woman’s face is so classic and then that catch phrase: SHUT IT DOWN!!!
Jon may be a total buffoon but there is some science and a lot of expertise to what they’re doing on Bar Rescue. Stuff like the height of the tables, to the layout, to pours, to traffic patterns within a bar, it’s ALL there and it’s all oddly fascinating in a nerdy way. I don’t think I could have watched all three seasons if this stuff wasn’t involved, there’s only so many times SHUT IT DOWN can be yelled before you want to turn it back to something like Reign.
The Owners
Talk about clueless, I mean why else would you end up on Bar Rescue unless you were totally out of your depth? Between the creepy old guys who are caught ON CAMERA being leaches to women, owners who are David-Hasselhoff-eating-a-burger-drunk, there’s owners who honestly thought a PIRATE bar (think Party City children’s birthday Pirates) would be a success. And then there’s this guy:
I can’t even.
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The Makeovers
Some of them are amazing and even I would go into them… and then there are the others…
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Taffer Tips
Basically Taffer Tips are just the TV version of Jane Trigs telling you to remember to drink a pacer water between beverages. Seriously, 90% of the Taffer Tips they’ve shown between commercials are about pacing yourself with water when drinking. Thanks Jane!
Bar Rescue is back on March 9th with more “Taffer Tips” and Taffer screaming episodes no doubt. I’ll be watching every episode, will you? Oh come on you know you watch it too. Join me: SHUT IT DOWN NOW!
