Update: Apparently Scots ARE Brits! Who knew!? (Everyone except me, apparently)
Two of my book boyfriends have recently had actors assigned to play them: Four from Divergent and Jamie Fraser (JAMMF) from Outlander [although one could argue (and I do) that he’s most definitely a book husband. Boyfriends don’t usually like to take their time with it, aye?]Both book boyfriends have handsome actors bringing them to the screen – both the big screen and small screen- and both happen to be from the United Kingdom. But they really couldn’t be any different.
So I did what any normal girl would do in this situation & I threw them into the That’s Normal ring for a face off featuring:
Theo James, the Brit vs Sam Heughan, the Scot
I looked at a few of the most important attributes of a book boyfriend/husband turned actor crush & rated Theo vs. Sam accordingly.
Round 1: The Biceps
Ignoring the fact that Sam mentioned on Twitter last week that he’s a “True Scot” and Theo James loves to talk about his, ugh, male body parts in almost every interview he sits through, we’re going to keep it pretty chaste today looking at the two contender’s bodies. Don’t think for one second “chaste” means we’re not looking at them shirtless. Are you crazy? We’ll get there.
But first let’s explore their biceps in a t-shirt. The evidence:
Sorry (not sorry) I kinda made Sam look like he was kissing Theo
Starting with Theo we have a spectacular looking bicep here on the right with the just the right amount of bulge, plus a little vein action and even some definition flowing down into the elbow. And check out that tricep! Nice job Theo.
Taking a look at Sam on the left we’ve got a great looking bicep filling out his t-shirt and showing not one but TWO veins- he must have just finished a big work out. The tricep is hard to see here in the evidence, but what I like about this picture is that it’s from Sam’s Twitter account. There’s no touch up here. There’s no fancy lighting casting any shadows, potentially misleading us into thinking the bicep is bigger than it is. I’m not saying that’s what is going on with Theo James’ arm, but it is a professional photo and you never know if some suit in an office in New York said to the designer, “Theo is looking skinny- beef him up!” Plus I’m giving bonus points to Sam for the pectoral muscle. You’re not going to hear me complaining about Theo’s pecs anytime soon, but standing side to side, I’m going to give this one to Sam.
After Round 1: Sam 1, Theo 0
Round 2: The Abs
Moving right along let’s waste no time with unimportant facts & let’s judge these two men by the number of visible abdominal muscles.
Sam Heughan kicks us off with a photo, again from his Twitter account, of his wet-suit half off after a practice swim for the Blehheim Triatholon:
Let me first draw your attention to Sam’s biceps & congratulate him again on his win in Round 1. This picture proves that win was well-deserved. I spent a good amount of time focused on this picture & I’m going to be honest, the ab definition isn’t there for me. It’s obvious Sam is quite fit & there is some nice muscle-action going on, but this a big competition and I really expected more from Sam in this category. I can maybe count 2-3 abs. Not the standard 6-pack expected of every boy from junior high on, and I’m definitely not seeing the 8-pack we like to see in these situations.
Let’s take a look at Theo James abs and see how he compares:
WHOA! Theo was NOT happy with Sam’s win in Round 1 so he brought it in Round 2. Check out the definition of that stomach. While its hard to see the abs in their entirely (might want to re-think wearing pants next time, Theo) I can count at least 6 abdominal muscles, and I’m willing to bet there maybe 1-2 more defined a bit lower. Well done, Theo James. This round goes to you easily.
After Round 2: Sam 1, Theo 1
Round 3: The Accent
I want to give them both points on this category because everyone knows American girls can’t resist an accent, but alas this is a competition & we have to ask the age old question: What is hotter: a British accent or a Scottish accent?
Theo James for the British:
Sam Heughan for the Scots:
I tried to find interviews of a similar length so that the comparison was fair, but Theo has done a lot more interviews than Sam, so it wasn’t easy. I must confess: They both sound British to me. It may be because I’m a stupid American. It may be because Sam lives in London & much of his work has been in British TV/films and not Scottish and so he is actually speaking with more of a British accent here. Since I make the rules, Theo gets a point for his deep sexy voice & Sam Heughan gets a point because I think he might kill me when we finally get to hear him say, “Sassenach” as Jamie Fraser.
After Round 3: Sam 2, Theo 2
Round 4: The Public Persona
Here’s a category I’ve been looking forward to. Both Sam & Theo have been thrust (ahem) into roles with a pretty hugely dedicated fandom so let’s look at how they’ve taken advantage of it.
Sam Heughan online
While it’s hard to find much on you tube starring Sam Heughan, you can tweet him all day long on Twitter, heart his pictures on Instagram and if you’re a super creeper, even friend him on his extra-locked up Facebook account that was tagged the other day by his photographer (I did not do it. There is a LINE people). Sam is SOCIAL.
Not only does he share pictures and stories from his day, he interacts with his fans and answers their questions (sometimes. I believe he ignored the one person who actually asked, “Is your dirk as long as your kilt.”) Like this quick little twitter interview from the other day:
Yes I had to google (I mean text two people) to verify that “true Scotsman” meant what I really thought it meant. (It does) And although I don’t know if I believe him (I mean commando, always?) it’s clear that Sam knows his audience: Women who are in love with a true Scotsman (Jamie Fraser, of course!) For that fact alone, Sam is already ahead this round, even before we get to Theo. I’ll even forgive him for this recent tweet:
which kinda reminds me of that crap my grandparents have been known to forward to me via e-mail that asks you “Pass it along to 25 friends to ensure you have a great week!”
Theo James Online
Theo James is no where to be found on social media. However, he makes up for it in the plentiful interviews you can find in print and on youtube. And Theo LOVES to entertain his interviewers by casually bringing up sex, kinda all the time:
We even caught Theo muttering something about being pantsless at the Divergent press conference:
While you always know you’ll be entertained by Theo’s interviews, I’m not going to hold it over Sam’s head that he’s not as establsiehd in his career as Theo and therefore isn’t as easily found on You Tube. With Outlander coming to TV next Spring, interviews with Sam will be plentiful, and I don’t see his presence on social media diminishing (although as his stardom grows his interactions with fans might lessen) Sam wins this round handily.
After Round 4: Sam 3, Theo 2
Round 5: The Selfie
You KNOW we love a Real Quick Selfie around here. A hashtag that was started at Comic Con on our Instagram Account, a #realquickselfie is when you take a selfie, real quick. Bascially it’s no different than a normal selfie, so I’m going to stop pretending it is for right now. But we had to ask the question: How do Theo & Sam do in the selfie-department?
Sam, not surprisingly, RULES the #realquickselfie. Whether he’s on a boat, in front of some greenery, shirtless or wearing sunglasses with his back to the sun, Sam loves to take selfies. Here’s a deep cut from his instagram account back in early 2012. There might be a better selfie out there, but I haven’t browsed through all the images (more than once twice).
As we discussed earlier, Theo is no where to be found on the interwebz, so not surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to be as big a fan of the #realquickselfie as Sam. However… we did get our very own #realquickselfie with Theo James at Comic Con:
There was no alcohol involved in the taking of this picture
So… sorry Sam, we love that you love the selfie as much, if not more, than we do, but we’re going to have to give it to Theo on this one.
After Round 5: Sam 3, Theo 3
Round 6: Kissing
We decided that the only way to find out if Theo > Sam or the other way around is by hosting a That’s Normal kissing booth. I’ll be manning the booth 24/7 for the rest of my life and you can find me at ABC Street Apt #123 in Philadelphia.
No just kidding. That’s not my real address. While we don’t have first-hand experience on what kissing either the Brit or the Scot is like, there are some lucky ladies who do, so we called up their ex girlfriends and got the low-down….!
No we didn’t. Man I’m on a roll. It’s getting late as I write this, can you tell? We, shocker, explored the interwebz to find the best kissing gifs out there. We present the evidence:
Theo James, the intense kisser
Is it hot in here? So Theo clearly knows what he’s doing in terms of kissing on-screen. If you can breathe after watching that for 5 minutes like I just did, please continue on to Sam:
Sam, the sweet kisser
I’m not going to say that the Scottish kissing looks bad- because that’s not true. Clearly that little boy in the bottom gif is impressed, but it looks a little sweet and chaste compared to Theo. And besides the one play he did with an intense gay love scene (here you go) there isn’t much out there with Sam kissing… yet. This round goes to Theo, once again.
After Round 6: Sam 3, Theo 4
After 6 rounds of difficult competition I declare the winner by unanimous decision (mine):
Theo James and The British
I’ll be honest, I’m a little shocked. I went into this competition not knowing what the outcome would be but thinking Sam might have the upper hand because of my serious infatuation with Jamie Fraser right now. I want to say I feel things weighed a little unfairly in Theo’s favor because there is so much more available out there about him right now. I also met Theo James (the #realquickselfie doesn’t lie) and got to experience the fulness of his Britishness (I have no idea what the means) in person, but fair is fair. We looked at the evidence and the results clearly show that Theo came out on top.
I don’t think this is the last time we’re going to see Theo James and Sam Heughan go head-to-head in the That’s Normal Ring. The results may very well differ in a few months and after Sam gets a few more interviews under his belt (also honeymoon scene, enough said?) But Theo wont be giving up his title so easily. We’ll have a ton more from him as Four and as himself, telling dirty jokes and talking about his man parts in all the Divergent interviews next spring. And if Sam wants to up the ante and go head-t0-head with Theo in the #realquickselfie department by grabbing a selfie with me, I’m happy to oblige.
But for now, congratulations to Theo James, the Brits have won today!
What do you think? Did Theo win fair-and-square? How would you have rated each of the rounds? What categories should I add for when they meet in the That’s Normal Ring next time?
I’m kinda 2nd-hand embarrassed for myself for you guys, not gonna lie.
