Watching New Girl: I’ve Schmidt Myself

Couple of  years ago, when I heard Zooey Deschanel was coming out with a new show and it kind of looked like My Boys I was excited, because hey – she’s a cool girl and I really enjoyed My Boys. At the time, she was married to one of most favorite musicians who is best buddies with my most favorite actor, which made me generally insanely jealous of her. She has an acceptable and respectably solid #5 spot on my husband’s “list.” She might be the only one on his list (other than Mary Steenbergen – don’t ask) who doesn’t devolve us into a gigantic argument about that 45 year old woman from his work who kept bringing him mac and cheese!! UGH. In other words, I like Zooey D. I get why some guys are into her. Bring on New Girl.

But, Zooey was not enough to keep me watching this show. I mean, she’s sweet and quirky, and I kind of loved the first season character arc of her finding herself after being with a super crunchy hippie boyfriend for years. I like the unresolved sezzzzual tension between her and Nick, who despite being kind of perfect for one another, totally aren’t. It isn’t inevitable with them, they really are great friends, and I dig it. But there is only ONE reason I tune into New Girl. Rewatch New Girl. Recommend New Girl.

Schmidt.

Just. Just watch.

Okay. I could have just let this blog post be one long ribbon of “Best of Schmidt” youtube vids. But I won’t, because I am capable of expressing how much I LOVE HIM.

• He’s easily the best written character in comedy right now. I don’t watch EVERY comedy show on tv, but I’ve seen quite a few in my time, HOKAY? Hokay. And since the creation of David Brent and Tim Canterbury, no comedy character has been so watchable.

 

• It’s really NOT about how he looks. He’s not my type at all; Nick Miller is more my type. Schmidt takes too much care of himself. He’s too clean cut. He’s attractive, but I’m not attracted to him. I won’t ever add him to my over-long list of fictional men I have fallen in lust love with. He just makes me laugh. That’s sexy enough.

• His one liners are completely quotable:

“Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons.”

“I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.”

 “I want the fresh crack. Not some crack that’s been laying around all day.”

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, or as I like to call it, “White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night.”

 

• Max Greenfield does just an incredible job with him. I mean, a character with that much homoerotic undertones who believes in the potency of his own testosterone could have EASILY been epically cringe-worthy, but Max makes him endearing AND attractive instead. He’s a douche. He’s beyond metrosexual. He’s an idiot. He says, “bro,” and “scrummy,” and “let me get my cardigan.” He used to be Fat Schmidt. His dating profile from 2008 looks like an ad for a reality series on Bravo. He has OCD. I don’t even know his first name. BUT I LOVE HIM.

To add some icing to the SchmidtCake  — DOUCHE JAR — he’s up for a Golden Globe [late edit: Sad Panda, he lost]! And he’s in an upcoming movie with Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler. He’s on his way up, my friends. Get on it.