Guys! Girls is back on HBO… two Golden Globes heavier and we give them snaps for it. Congrats. Mostly though we’re super pumped the show is FINALLY back and we can see what happened since we last left the gang in ambulances and quickie weddings. So seriously though, A LOT of my fake predictions came true – Adam is back to being shirtless, Charlie and Marnie are THOSE PEOPLE, Ray delivers all the best lines, Hannah’s boobs are out and more. I mean I guess the more shows change, the more they stay the same. Even in the second season.
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First off can we all give a collective Wtf!?!?!?!LOLZBBQOMG!?
When they cut to Hannah banging Donald Glover I couldn’t even hear anything they (or the people watching with me) said because I was yelling too loudly. I MEAN… DONALD GLOVER?!?!?! Why are you living my dream life Lena?? UGH. Literally. If you could ask me to write down all the things I secretly and not to secretly want in life, half of Lena’s life and banging Donald Glover is on there. COME ON. Also on there: NSYNC reunion and creating zero guilt food.
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Marnie and Charlie – they are those people. Marnie in particular makes me want to punch things.
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Elijah = Troy Donahue. I hope everyone who grew up watching 50s/60s movies with their Grandma laughed really hard at this because I did.
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Shoshanna – I beg you, please, please, please, PLEASE. get back with Ray. This can only aid your journey in not becoming THAT girl for life. Also I’ve sent the panda, gun, wrapped gift to my pals like 8 billion times since Sunday.
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You hear that sound? It’s the sound of my teeth grinding together and my blood pressure rising. Also – Hannah’s face.
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Can we talk about Adam and Hannah for a minute? Who else was super sad about how Hannah is essentially doing Donald Glover behind Adam’s back and Adam has become that guy and won’t kick her to the curb? What happened between last season and this one that we’ve had a total flip of character qualities? Maybe it’s the pain meds and having to pee into a pot from the second hand shop but somewhere along the way Adam grew a vagina. And not in a good way.
“Wanna watch Bagger Vance?” Yes.
I think the “genius” behind this show is it’s totally honest and unapologetic view on this age. Hannah is SO blind to her own selfishness yet believes she’s so unselfish and has a right to be an asshole because she’s an “individual.” And since those are “her feelings,” regardless of how they might affect others, they can’t be wrong or insensitive. THIS GENERATION.
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“You know what this episode needs? More Jemima. Way more Jemima.” – said EVERYONE, everywhere.
Building a Mystery?! I can’t. The best. “No harmony there”
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And then THIS happened…
No.
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Thank the censor gods that Allison Williams hasn’t figured out if she wants to show her boobs in every episode and was able to pull a Lady Godiva and keep ‘em covered because I was too busy staring at Andrew Rannells’s waxed cheeks and butt hole to process everything that was happening. But really now, WTF? I don’t even know how I feel about this. This was my second loudest moment of the show. I kept yelling about how Hannah was going to walk in. She didn’t (unfortunately) and my friends are probably never going to watch Girls with me again. Also, dudes have to have really good upper body strength because they’re always like in plank position, right? I’m glad I’m not a guy. I’m bad at plank.
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Marnie: “You know, you really don’t have to try to be anything that you’re not.”
Elijah: “Neither do you.”
Boom!!!! Elijah drops the mic and walks out. God, that was so refreshing after that wholly uncomfortable scene.
I get that Marnie is in a weird spot in life, she’s been “downsized (haven’t we all?), Charlie dumped her, her and Hannah are on the rocks and her mom is TERRIBLE. But this? This you can file under “bad decision” all around. Except she got to see Elijah’s waxed butt, file that under a “FYI.” The internetz are surmising that she’s a lesbian. NO, she’s just THAT terrible girl who’s trying to figure herself out and going about it in ALL the wrong ways. Speaking of…
Marnie going to Charlie’s house. NO! Just no. no. no. no. no. no. But like I said, they are those people. Serial daters who are never single and infuriate and irritate people like me.
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Some let downs from episode 1:
1. NO JESSA. Like none… and we’re not counting her with her Jamaica vacation braids jumping the cab line as screen time. Sure, that’s the wildest dream of every city dweller but that is NOT Jessa time. Get real Girls.
2. Would Hannah really tell Donald Glover not to use the word love? She admits she’s trying to play this differently, but still. Where did she get this random confidence? And would she really tell Adam, the guy she swooned over during that monologue about junior high last season, that she didn’t want to see him after that confession of love? I’m having a hard time going there.
3. Jumbled, not totally with it episode all together. I’ll just keep repeating “it’s only the first episode… it’s only the first episode” as I try not to think of the sophomore slump so many shows have suffered.
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Also, Vampire Weekend cover of Springsteen (!!!!!!!!) over the credits aka third loudest scream from me during the episode. If we have’t talked about my love for VW and Ezra and Rostam and the Chris’s, don’t worry, we’ll get there. We just started this people. Patience.
PS for you all: 
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